Rosanne teaches how comparison is an 'act of violence' that keeps women stuck in deficit thinking on their fertility journey. She provides a 3-step exercise to break free from the comparison trap and start treating yourself as the incomparable miracle you are.
Rosanne opens by acknowledging that comparison is a 'dirty little not so secret bullshit' we all engage in, especially on fertility journeys. She introduces the concept that comparison is 'an act of violence' that creates a constant state of deficit and prevents us from truly living our lives.
The episode explores how comparison and perfectionism are deeply linked, with both creating exhausting cycles where 'the goalpost is always moving.' Rosanne challenges the lie that comparison motivates us, showing instead how it tears us apart while devaluing others' journeys.
Rosanne delivers the powerful message that each woman is unique and incomparable, like comparing apples and oranges. She encourages focusing on your own journey and preparing for your baby instead of wasting energy on comparison, reminding listeners that they were born as someone's miracle.
The episode concludes with a practical three-step exercise: admitting your comparison habits, noticing your internal story, and actively refusing to engage in self-violence. Rosanne provides the specific affirmation to use when caught comparing: 'I will not engage in acts of violence against myself.'
“I will not engage in acts of violence against myself. I fucking love me too much for that bullshit.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 10:44
Start with brutal honesty about your current level of comparison. Notice the exact story you tell yourself when comparing, then discipline yourself to say 'I will not engage in acts of violence against myself. I love me too much for that bullshit.'
“Comparison is exhausting because the proverbial goalpost is always fucking moving.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 2:14
Comparison creates a constant state of deficit where nothing is ever enough. It's tied to perfectionism and tears you apart while devaluing others' journeys. You end up wasting energy on looking over your shoulder instead of preparing for your baby.
“What's also interesting is how closely comparison is tied to perfectionism. Ding, ding, ding. They go hand in hand.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 2:35
Perfectionism and comparison go hand in hand. If you're a perfectionist, you're likely struggling with comparison because both create a mindset where nothing is ever enough and you're constantly measuring against external standards.
“You may be so good at comparing yourself to other people, you don't even notice it. It may be like a reflex in you.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 1:22
You may be so good at comparing that you don't notice it - it becomes a reflex. Signs include constantly feeling like shit, living in deficit thinking, feeling exhausted by moving goalposts, and entertaining thoughts like 'why me' or attacking others' pregnancies.
“You are incomparable. In fucking comparable. There is and only ever will be one you.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 8:08
Remember that you are incomparable - there is only one you. Your time will come, your circumstances will be perfect in their own way, and your children will have their own story. Focus on preparing for your baby instead of wasting time on comparison.
A 3-step exercise to stop the violence of comparison and focus on your unique path
Admit Your Comparison Level
Be brutally honest about your current level of comparison. Whether you're 'keeping up with baby making Joneses on steroids' or just casual comparing, own that you do this to yourself. The sooner you admit it, the faster you get to freedom.
Notice Your Comparison Story
Get intimate with the exact story you tell yourself when comparing. Discipline yourself to notice when you're doing it and identify the specific thoughts and narratives that come up.
Refuse the Violence
Be prepared to shout 'I will not engage in acts of violence against myself. I fucking love me too much for that bullshit' when you catch yourself comparing. This breaks the pattern and reinforces your self-worth.
Comparison is an act of violence against yourself that tears you apart while devaluing others' journeys
Rosanne conceived naturally at 43 after years of treatment failure once she stopped comparing herself to others and took control of her thoughts and beliefs.
Comparison and perfectionism go hand in hand - if you're a perfectionist, you're likely struggling with comparison
Rosanne identifies as a 'recovering type A control freak perfectionist' who would have 'gold medaled in comparison' before transforming her mindset to conceive at 43.
When you compare fertility journeys, you don't actually know what someone went through emotionally or mentally
Rosanne emphasizes that even if you 'saw the whole thing,' you know nothing about what was going on in their heart or mind during their journey to baby.
You are incomparable - there is and only ever will be one you
Rosanne teaches this principle to help women like herself who conceived naturally at 43 stop wasting energy on comparison and focus on their unique journey.
Your children will come at the perfect time with their own story - who cares if they're five years behind others
Rosanne conceived her son naturally at 43, years after many of her peers, proving that divine timing creates the perfect story for each family.
The first step to freedom from comparison is brutal honesty about your current level of comparing
Rosanne used this same approach to break free from her own comparison addiction and conceive naturally at 43 after years of treatment failure.
Notice your comparison story intimately and be prepared to say 'I will not engage in acts of violence against myself'
This is the exact method Rosanne teaches women across six continents who have successfully conceived using her approach to break free from self-destructive thought patterns.
Comparison is an act of violence against yourself that tears you apart while devaluing others' journeys
▶ 3:50Comparison and perfectionism go hand in hand - if you're a perfectionist, you're likely struggling with comparison
▶ 2:35When you compare fertility journeys, you don't actually know what someone went through emotionally or mentally
▶ 4:30You are incomparable - there is and only ever will be one you
▶ 8:08Your children will come at the perfect time with their own story - who cares if they're five years behind others
▶ 8:51The first step to freedom from comparison is brutal honesty about your current level of comparing
▶ 9:53Notice your comparison story intimately and be prepared to say 'I will not engage in acts of violence against myself'
▶ 10:34“Comparison keeps you motivated and on your toes”
CONSIDER: Comparison is an act of violence that tears you apart and creates a constant state of deficit
“Others have it easier on their fertility journey”
CONSIDER: You don't know what someone went through emotionally or mentally - comparison between people is as pointless as comparing apples and oranges
“Comparison is an act of violence.”
“You are incomparable. In fucking comparable. There is and only ever will be one you.”
“I will not engage in acts of violence against myself. I fucking love me too much for that bullshit.”
“When you were born, you were someone's miracle. So start treating yourself as such.”
“Comparison is exhausting because the proverbial goalpost is always fucking moving.”
EP287: Fertility Success Principle #9: No Janky Drawers
If you're tolerating janky underwear, a messy bedroom, or negative self-talk, you're operating at the wrong frequency to attract your baby.
EP 366: The New Rules of Fertility #2: Evolving Away From Effort
What if the exhausting 'effort' you're putting into your fertility journey is actually pushing your baby away?
EP288: The Break Glass In Case of Fertility Freakout Episode
The most powerful episode to save for your darkest fertility moments - Rosanne's fierce wake-up call that will snap you out of despair and back into your power.
Frameworks & Methods
Common Beliefs
Your baby is at a high vibration, so you must operate at a high frequency to match that energy and receive your upgrade
One beloved miracle mama had her eye on a Porsche, test drove one as homework, and was pregnant within a year after years of trying - the upgrade in how she saw herself matched the baby's frequency.
What you tolerate in your most intimate spaces - like your underwear - is directly indicative of your sense of self-worth
Women consistently see breakthrough when they start operating at a higher frequency through better self-care, boundaries, and treating themselves with more respect in all areas of life.
Traditional fertility effort - overwork, perfectionism, timeline obsession, desperation - signals scarcity to your nervous system and sabotages conception
Austin coached a woman who wouldn't eat cake on her wedding anniversary because she thought it would prevent pregnancy - this exhaustion-based approach is decidedly masculine and unsustainable
Force and effort are not the same thing - force comes from fear and insecurity, while evolved effort comes from love and vision
Austin was on her fertility journey for seven years and learned that forcing everything was deranged - the more she forced, the more she thought she was putting in effort, but it was all fear-based
