In this kick-off episode of the Fertile AF series, Rosanne dismantles the destructive pattern of 'playing nice' on your fertility journey. She reveals how people-pleasing, worry about perceptions, and fear of conflict actually sabotage your success by keeping you disempowered and unclear about what you truly want.
Rosanne opens by distinguishing between normal human decency and the destructive pattern of being a 'pushover' who tampes down truth and goes along to get along. She explains how this type of nice behavior is actually passive aggressive and stems from struggles with worthiness and fear of rocking the boat.
The episode identifies three core fears that fuel people-pleasing: excessive worry about others' perceptions, fear of judgment or criticism, and manipulative fear that conflict will prevent you from getting what you want. All three represent being disempowered and not standing in your authority.
Rosanne teaches that you must approach your medical team as equals, not superior authorities. She explains how fear of upsetting doctors leads to agreeing to ineffective protocols repeatedly and emphasizes that smart women take 100% responsibility for their results.
The episode reframes directness as actually helping relationships by giving people a legitimate chance to support you authentically. Rosanne explains that hiding your truth assumes rejection and prevents others from stepping up to help.
“Playing nice could cost you your success. Because what are you gonna do? Never leave that clinic? Never tell that person the truth?”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 12:05
Being overly 'nice' on your fertility journey sabotages success because it keeps you disempowered and unclear about what you truly want. This type of people-pleasing behavior prevents you from advocating for yourself with medical providers and getting the support you actually need.
“You can be a good human being, be loving and fantastic, and still be clear about what you want, express that clarity directly and not apologize for it, and claim your authority and still be perceived in a kind way.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 15:08
Stop prioritizing others' perceptions over your own truth. Speak directly about what you want without apologizing. Be equals in partnership with your medical team - ask questions and express concerns even if it might upset them. Remember that anyone judging you for clarity and directness likely has something to lose from your empowerment.
“All three of those things, if we look for a single unifying factor amongst all those three things, it's you disempowered.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 14:07
Three main fears drive excessive niceness: worry about what others think of you, fear of what people will say about you, and fear that if you upset someone, you won't get what you want. All three represent being disempowered and not standing in your authority.
“We need to be equals and in partnership with anybody that is helping us on this journey. Anyone that is on our bump squad, we are equals.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 12:36
Approach your medical team as equals in partnership, not as superior authorities. Ask questions and express concerns about treatments that don't feel right, even if you worry about their reaction. Take 100% responsibility for your results rather than depending on one person to give you a baby.
“When you're not telling people the truth about what you want, who you are, and where you're headed, you don't give them a legitimate chance to help you.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 16:00
No, being direct actually helps relationships because it gives people a legitimate chance to help you. When you hide your truth, you're assuming you'll be rejected and not allowing others to step up and support you authentically.
A framework for dropping people-pleasing behaviors that sabotage fertility success
Identify the three drivers
Recognize when you're being overly nice due to worry about perceptions, fear of what people will say, or fear of not getting what you want
Approach medical team as equals
View your doctors and specialists as partners, not superior authorities, and ask questions about treatments that don't feel right
Speak your truth directly
Express what you want clearly and without apologizing, understanding that clarity helps others genuinely support you
Take full responsibility
Accept that you are the common denominator in your fertility success, not any single provider or protocol
The kind of 'nice' that sabotages fertility success is the pushover kind - being unclear, indirect, and going along to get along because you're struggling with worthiness and afraid of rocking the boat
Rosanne defines this as doing a 'fifteen thousand word preamble before asking for what she wants' and caring more about what others think than what's true for your journey.
Playing nice is actually passive aggressive manipulation where you care more about what other people might think than what's true and where you're headed on your journey
Rosanne explains that people who think you're 'the nicest' are usually those who benefit most from you not speaking truth, saying 'you're fucking bending to their will while you quietly hate them.'
The first underlying driver of playing nice is being overly concerned with other people's perceptions, which warps your own self-perception and prevents the clarity needed to make good decisions
Rosanne explains you become 'so outwardly focused and so worried about other people's perceptions of you, you can't discern' and 'you won't know if decisions are the right ones for you.'
The second driver is fear of what people will say, which creates a pattern where you care more about avoiding judgment than speaking truth about your needs
Rosanne gives the example of not asking for support by saying 'I'm really hurting right now, I could use your support' because you're afraid people will call you needy.
The third and most dangerous driver is fear that if you upset someone, you won't get what you want - which creates manipulative behavior especially with medical providers
Rosanne describes women who 'shut the fuck up and go with whatever thing they tell us to do' with doctors, even agreeing to 'that same protocol for the fifth time that hasn't gotten us anywhere' to avoid conflict.
You must be equals and in partnership with anyone helping you on your fertility journey - no one is better than you regardless of their credentials
Rosanne states 'I don't care if that person has seventy five letters coming after their name. They are not better than you. They might know a few things that you don't, but they don't know you.'
Smart women take 100% responsibility for their results and understand they are the unifying factor and common denominator in their fertility success
Rosanne explains 'you're never looking to this one person to be the reason you're holding a baby. It's a constellation of things that come together, but you are the unifying factor.'
All three drivers of playing nice have one unifying factor: you being disempowered and not in your authority, which puts you in a losing position
Rosanne identifies that worry about perceptions, what people will say, and fear of not getting what you want all represent 'you not in your power and that is you not in your authority.'
When you're not telling people the truth about what you want, you don't give them a legitimate chance to help you and you're actually disrespecting them
Rosanne explains 'you're also assuming that if you come out as who you actually are with your actual truth that you'll be rejected. You're not actually letting people step up to the plate.'
The kind of 'nice' that sabotages fertility success is the pushover kind - being unclear, indirect, and going along to get along because you're struggling with worthiness and afraid of rocking the boat
▶ 2:37Playing nice is actually passive aggressive manipulation where you care more about what other people might think than what's true and where you're headed on your journey
▶ 3:39The first underlying driver of playing nice is being overly concerned with other people's perceptions, which warps your own self-perception and prevents the clarity needed to make good decisions
▶ 5:53The second driver is fear of what people will say, which creates a pattern where you care more about avoiding judgment than speaking truth about your needs
▶ 7:37The third and most dangerous driver is fear that if you upset someone, you won't get what you want - which creates manipulative behavior especially with medical providers
▶ 9:51You must be equals and in partnership with anyone helping you on your fertility journey - no one is better than you regardless of their credentials
▶ 12:36Smart women take 100% responsibility for their results and understand they are the unifying factor and common denominator in their fertility success
▶ 13:26All three drivers of playing nice have one unifying factor: you being disempowered and not in your authority, which puts you in a losing position
▶ 14:07When you're not telling people the truth about what you want, you don't give them a legitimate chance to help you and you're actually disrespecting them
▶ 16:00“Being nice and accommodating helps you get what you want on your fertility journey”
CONSIDER: Playing nice actually sabotages your success by keeping you disempowered, unclear, and unable to advocate for what you truly need
“You shouldn't upset your doctor or medical team because they might not help you”
CONSIDER: You must be equals in partnership with your medical team and advocate for what feels right, even if it means asking difficult questions
“Hiding your true feelings protects your relationships”
CONSIDER: When you don't tell people your truth, you don't give them a legitimate chance to help you and you're actually disrespecting them
“Playing nice could cost you your success.”
“You've got a baby to have. You don't have time to be this kind of nice.”
“Smart women take one hundred percent responsibility for their results.”
“I don't care if that person has seventy five letters coming after their name. They are not better than you.”
“Quit playing fucking nice. You can be a good human being, be loving and fantastic, and still be clear about what you want.”
“When you're not telling people the truth about what you want, who you are, and where you're headed, you don't give them a legitimate chance to help you.”
EP218 Truth Bomb: 7 Days Of Absolute Truth
What if hiding your truth is blocking your energy and keeping your baby away?
EP200 200th Episode Celebration: It’s All About You, Baby!
After 200 episodes and 73 pregnancies in her practice, Rosanne reveals the three non-negotiables that separate women who succeed from those who stay stuck.
EP14: Be The Woman Who Beats The Odds
What if the secret to beating fertility odds isn't waiting for success, but allowing yourself to BE that successful woman right now?
Frameworks & Methods
Common Beliefs
Hiding your truth is a full-time job that sucks your will to live and blocks energy that could light up a city and open a floodlight to your baby
Rosanne conceived naturally at 43 after years of treatment failure by using mindset work that included speaking her truth and freeing up blocked energy.
Telling the truth does not have to be confrontational - you can be kind and measured while still speaking what's true for you
Rosanne, a former prosecutor, demonstrates how professional expertise and boundaries can be maintained while speaking truth, as she did in her own fertility journey and now teaches women across six continents.
Your success or failure on the fertility journey ultimately comes down to you - you are in the most powerful position when you stop giving your power to experts and take responsibility for leading your journey
A 53-year-old miracle mama recently sent pregnancy photos because she stepped into her power and refused to compromise based on age or past failures.
Conceiving is all about receiving - you must unfuck your feminine and reconnect with your ability to receive support, love, and what you need to succeed
Women have been trained to take on masculine traits for professional success, divorcing them from their innate feminine energy that's deeply connected to intuition and inner knowing.
