Hector shares his perspective on supporting his wife Elise through five rounds of IVF, becoming a father at 42 when their daughter Jaden was born. He discusses the importance of mindset, building the right support network, and being an active partner in the fertility journey.
EliseAge 40· IVF· Baby girlBefore
Going through fertility struggles with mindset falling back in certain situations
Key Shift
Built confidence and resilience through mindset work with laser focus before transfer
After
Dramatically increased confidence in fertility journey, business, and life overall
Hector knew from childhood he wanted to be a father, inspired by his own dad's example. After reconnecting with high school acquaintance Elise and marrying at 42 and 40 respectively, they expected conception to be easy but faced a longer journey than anticipated.
The couple tried naturally for a year, then two IUIs, before moving to IVF where they completed five rounds to get two good embryos. Throughout this process, Hector focused on protecting Elise's mindset and maintaining optimism about their eventual success.
Hector openly shared their journey with a men's prayer group of 100 men who met weekly, finding others who had walked similar paths. He learned to be selective about his support circle, distancing himself from negative family members who perpetuated age-related fertility stigmas.
Initially skeptical of Rosanne's approach, Hector came to see the mindset work as one of the most beneficial aspects of their journey after witnessing Elise's transformation in confidence and resilience. He emphasizes that men's roles extend far beyond the medical requirements.
“I think sometimes men fall into this trap of their main role in this is just to deposit that sperm and just wait. And it's the total opposite. Like, you have to be a very supportive husband, because the wife goes through a lot on this journey.”
— Hector▶ 25:42
Men should actively protect their partner's mindset, take on additional household responsibilities to reduce stress, build their own support network, and be selective about who they allow to speak into their journey.
“Find your right tribe. The men have to find those core friends that are gonna not only be there for you, but speak life into you on this journey. And if you don't have that, it can be very hard. It can be very lonely.”
— Hector▶ 26:57
Men should find their own support circle of people who speak life into them and make them feel energized. They should be selective about who they share with and distance themselves from negative voices, even family members.
“There's great benefits in having children later in life, in that we were instilled with a lot of wisdom. It took a lot of time to gain that wisdom. So we're now operating from that standpoint.”
— Hector▶ 15:41
Having children in your 40s can actually provide benefits including greater wisdom, life experience, and better discernment to create strong family foundations.
“I gotta be honest. I don't think I was on board immediately... but what I've seen in her is just it's amazing. The confidence that is instilled in her working with you just on this journey.”
— Hector▶ 20:53
Many men are initially skeptical but become strong supporters once they see the positive changes in their partner's confidence, resilience, and overall approach to the journey.
“We went through five rounds to get really two good embryos, one being our daughter, Jaden, and the other one, we plan on implanting later this year.”
— Hector▶ 4:51
Hector and Elise went through five IVF rounds to get two good embryos, with one becoming their daughter Jaden and planning to transfer the second later.
A miracle papa's guide for men on being an active, supportive partner during fertility struggles
Protect Her Mindset
Encourage your wife when cycles start by saying things like 'Your body is still working the way it's supposed to work. We're still in the game' instead of focusing on why it's not happening.
Build Your Support Network
Find your own circle of men who will speak life into you and make you feel energized. Consider joining prayer groups, support groups, or connecting with other men who've been through fertility struggles.
Set Boundaries
Be selective about who you allow to speak into your journey. Distance yourself from negative voices, even family members, who perpetuate limiting beliefs about age or fertility.
Take on Extra Responsibilities
Step into household roles you don't normally do to lighten your wife's stress load, as stress plays a huge role in fertility.
Trust Her Instincts
If your wife wants to try mindset work or other approaches, support her decisions even if you're initially skeptical. Many men become the biggest supporters once they see positive changes.
Men need to actively protect their partner's mindset and create a supportive environment, not just participate in the medical aspects
Hector supported wife Elise through five IVF rounds by encouraging her when cycles started, telling her 'Your body is still working the way it's supposed to work. We're still in the game' instead of focusing on why it wasn't happening.
Men should build their own support network and be selective about who they allow to speak into their fertility journey
Hector attended weekly men's prayer meetings with 100 men every Tuesday at 5:30am, sharing his fertility struggles and receiving support. He also distanced himself from family members who spoke negatively about having children in their 40s.
The criteria for choosing support people should be whether they speak life into you and leave you feeling energized and built up
Hector evaluated his support circle by asking 'Are they there to speak life into me? Do I feel energized, alive when I'm communicating with them?' He kept negative family members at arm's length who fell into the stigma that 'once you get in your forties, you're done.'
Having children later in life provides the benefit of wisdom and discernment to create better family foundations
Hector and Elise married at 42 and 40 respectively, and he noted they were 'instilled with a lot of wisdom' that made it 'very easily detectable to see okay, this is not good, this is good' when creating their family foundation.
Men's role extends far beyond just providing sperm - they must be actively supportive husbands who take on additional responsibilities
Hector emphasized men shouldn't 'fall into this trap of their main role being just to deposit that sperm and wait' but should 'step into roles in the house that you don't normally do' to lighten their wife's stress load during fertility treatment.
Reducing stress plays a huge role in fertility success, and husbands can contribute significantly to this
Hector learned through his fertility journey that 'stress plays a huge role with fertility' and encouraged men to 'lighten that stress load' for their wives going through treatment, noting 'if you can lighten that stress load, then you're ahead of the game.'
The fertility journey reveals the true character and resilience of your partner in ways you may not have seen before
Hector watched Elise go through five IVF rounds and noted 'I got to see my wife, just the resilience that was inside of her, that I knew, but I didn't really see until this journey started' which gave him 'reassurance that I married the right person.'
Initially skeptical partners often become the biggest supporters once they see the positive changes from mindset work
Hector admitted 'I don't think I was on board immediately' with Rosanne's work, walking by the computer asking 'what did she just say?' But after seeing Elise's confidence and resilience grow, he called it 'probably the most beneficial thing on this journey.'
Men need to actively protect their partner's mindset and create a supportive environment, not just participate in the medical aspects
▶ 7:24Men should build their own support network and be selective about who they allow to speak into their fertility journey
▶ 10:33The criteria for choosing support people should be whether they speak life into you and leave you feeling energized and built up
▶ 13:49Having children later in life provides the benefit of wisdom and discernment to create better family foundations
▶ 15:41Men's role extends far beyond just providing sperm - they must be actively supportive husbands who take on additional responsibilities
▶ 25:42Reducing stress plays a huge role in fertility success, and husbands can contribute significantly to this
▶ 26:24The fertility journey reveals the true character and resilience of your partner in ways you may not have seen before
▶ 19:20Initially skeptical partners often become the biggest supporters once they see the positive changes from mindset work
▶ 20:53“Having children in your 40s means you're too old and it's too late”
CONSIDER: Having children later in life happens at the right time and provides the benefit of wisdom to create better family foundations
“Men's main role in fertility treatment is just providing sperm and waiting”
CONSIDER: Men must be actively supportive partners who protect their wife's mindset and take on additional responsibilities to reduce stress
“I think sometimes men fall into this trap of their main role in this is just to deposit that sperm and just wait. And it's the total opposite.”
“Your body is still working the way it's supposed to work. We're still in the game. Let's continue to do this.”
“Are they there to speak life into me? Do I feel energized, alive when I'm communicating with them?”
“There's great benefits in having children later in life, in that we were instilled with a lot of wisdom.”
“If you can lighten that stress load, then you're ahead of the game.”
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Limiting beliefs about fertility can persist for decades without any medical evidence and become self-fulfilling prophecies
Katie carried the belief 'there's something wrong, you can't have a baby' for 20 years starting from her teens, despite never attempting to conceive or having any medical tests to support this belief
Your desire speaking louder than fear in pivotal moments reveals your inner truth
When told 'this might be your only chance' after Katie's second trimester loss, her immediate internal response was 'fuck that' - her desire refusing to accept limitation
The pain and struggle of your fertility journey disappears once you have your baby in your arms - nothing else matters
Trish, who struggled for years before conceiving her daughter Geordie and is now pregnant again, shares that the relief and magnitude of love outweighs all the grief, sadness and disappointment from the journey.
You are the absolute boss and decision maker of your fertility journey - not the doctors
Diana applied this mindset shift to conceive her son and now has two daughters, ages 2 and 2 months. She uses these same techniques for career decisions and all life choices.
