Rosanne explores the importance of letting your partner see the real you during your fertility journey. She challenges women to stop hiding their truth and provides specific scripts for having authentic conversations about needs, fears, and dreams.
Rosanne reveals how women on fertility journeys twist themselves into pretzels trying to protect their partners from their real feelings and fears. She challenges the belief that hiding your truth keeps the peace, calling it deceptive and exhausting.
As women in 2020, we set the tone in our relationships and must take responsibility for getting our needs met. Rosanne emphasizes that we train people how to treat us, and expecting mind-reading is unfair to both partners.
Rosanne provides specific language for sharing your truth, from fertility treatment decisions to spiritual growth. She offers the framework 'Babe, because I love you and our relationship, here's what you need to know about me' followed by honest communication.
The episode concludes with Rosanne's powerful question about authenticity and fertility success. She connects wearing masks with preventing your baby from finding you, emphasizing the importance of standing up for who you choose to be.
“Babe, because I love you and I love our relationship, here's what you got to know about me. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to have this baby, natural, IUI, IVF, boiling black chickens, whatever. Being a mom is my dream, and I'm not giving up for shit.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 6:52
Start with 'Babe, because I love you and our relationship, here's what you need to know about me...' then share your truth directly. Whether it's about treatment decisions, financial investments, or emotional support needs.
“Not letting your partner see the real you is fucking deceptive and disingenuous. Why con someone into thinking you're someone you aren't? It's exhausting to hide who we are.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 5:40
No - hiding your fears is deceptive and exhausting. Your partner deserves to see the real you, and they're going to find out eventually anyway. Give them a chance to step up and support you.
“Their interpretation of what you have to say is their responsibility as a fucking grown up. When you come to them speaking the truth, you have no control over what they will choose to do with that truth.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 9:26
Their reaction is their responsibility as a grown adult. If your truth drives them away, they were going anyway because they would find out eventually. Don't do their math for them - let them decide how to handle it.
“Hey, babe. Having quiet time with you that doesn't involve video games, TV, or other distractions is super important to me. I want more of that.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 7:23
Be direct: 'Hey, babe. Having quiet time with you that doesn't involve video games, TV, or other distractions is super important to me. I want more of that.' Clear communication about your needs is essential.
“When you wear a mask, how will your baby ever find you? Stand up for the woman you choose to be.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 13:33
When you wear a mask and hide who you really are, you're not aligned with your authentic self. Authenticity allows you to evolve together with your partner and creates the energy for your baby to find you.
A framework for sharing your truth with your partner during fertility struggles
Assess honestly
Answer yes or no: Does your partner know the real you? Consider who you are today, not who you were when you started this journey.
Get clear on your truth
Identify what you want them to know, thinking from the perspective that this will come out eventually anyway.
Use the conversation starter
Begin with 'Babe, because I love you and our relationship, here's what you need to know about me...' then share your specific truth.
Let them respond
Remember their reaction is their responsibility as an adult. Don't do their math for them or try to control their response.
Not letting your partner see the real you is deceptive and disingenuous - it's exhausting to hide who we are and robs them of the chance to truly be our partner
Rosanne shares from her own experience how fear led her to avoid vulnerability with her husband in the early days of their fertility journey, creating distance in their relationship until they put their cards on the table.
As women in 2020, we set the tone and pace in our relationships - it's our responsibility to see that our needs get met because we train people how to treat us
Rosanne explains that if you aren't getting what you need from your partner, it's in part because you haven't been clear about your needs and their priority, drawing from her experience as a former prosecutor and fertility coach.
We play three-dimensional chess in our relationships, trying to do our partner's math and protect them from the truth of who we really are
Based on thousands of conversations with women on fertility journeys, Rosanne has witnessed how women twist themselves into pretzels, playing out scenarios with fifteen different endings to navigate around their partners.
What we think is protecting them or keeping the peace is actually robbing our partner of the chance to really be our partner and selling them short
Rosanne emphasizes that treating partners like they can't handle whatever you're facing is disrespectful - you're a grown up, they're a grown up, let them have a chance to step up.
Give yourself a chance to evolve together rather than trying to bridge the distance when it's too far apart
Rosanne learned this lesson through her own journey where fear initially had her and her husband in massive avoidance, tangoing through a minefield until they learned to put their cards on the table.
Coming out as spiritual to your partner can be a huge breakthrough in your relationship that gives you tremendous freedom
Rosanne shares her personal experience of nervously telling her skeptical husband that spirituality was important to her and would be more of a focus in her life, which became a game-changing moment in their relationship.
When you wear a mask, how will your baby ever find you? Stand up for the woman you choose to be
Rosanne connects authenticity with fertility success, drawing from her methodology that has helped women around the world make their mom dreams come true, with four successes in recent weeks as of this recording.
Not letting your partner see the real you is deceptive and disingenuous - it's exhausting to hide who we are and robs them of the chance to truly be our partner
▶ 5:40As women in 2020, we set the tone and pace in our relationships - it's our responsibility to see that our needs get met because we train people how to treat us
▶ 4:27We play three-dimensional chess in our relationships, trying to do our partner's math and protect them from the truth of who we really are
▶ 3:36What we think is protecting them or keeping the peace is actually robbing our partner of the chance to really be our partner and selling them short
▶ 5:08Give yourself a chance to evolve together rather than trying to bridge the distance when it's too far apart
▶ 6:01Coming out as spiritual to your partner can be a huge breakthrough in your relationship that gives you tremendous freedom
▶ 8:34When you wear a mask, how will your baby ever find you? Stand up for the woman you choose to be
▶ 13:33“You should protect your partner from your fears and true feelings about fertility to keep the peace”
CONSIDER: Hiding your truth is deceptive and robs your partner of the chance to truly support you - they're going to find out eventually anyway
“Your partner should intuitively know what you need without you having to ask”
CONSIDER: As grown women, we set the tone in relationships and it's our responsibility to clearly communicate our needs - we train people how to treat us
“Not letting your partner see the real you is fucking deceptive and disingenuous.”
“When you wear a mask, how will your baby ever find you?”
“We train people how to treat us.”
“Give yourself a chance to evolve together rather than trying to bridge the distance when it's too far apart.”
“What if they fucking love your truth?”
EP75 Your Partner: What do they need to know NOW?
What's the one thing you've been keeping from your partner that could change everything about your fertility journey?
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A British papa reveals what it's really like watching your partner suffer through fertility treatments - and how they found their miracle after losing their 'only chance.'
EP303: With 4 Miscarriages, A Cancer Scare, and Low Ovarian Reserve “They” Didn’t Think She Could Do It: Kristen’s Story
After 4 miscarriages in 9 months and being told to expect the 'path of failure,' Kristen discovered the missing piece that changed everything.
Frameworks & Methods
Common Beliefs
Your relationship is the foundation upon which your family is built, yet it's often neglected during the fertility journey
Rosanne conceived naturally at 43 after years of treatment failure and now coaches women across six continents, emphasizing that relationship foundation is critical for family success.
Women on this journey live like Batman or Catwoman - appearing to have their shit together on the outside while being a mess on the inside
Rosanne draws from 12+ years coaching women ages 28-54 who present as capable but struggle internally with fertility challenges, leading to explosive moments instead of honest communication.
Men experience fertility struggles differently - living in the moment of devastation rather than carrying it 24/7 like women do
Adam describes feeling devastated in moments of receiving bad news from treatment centers, but not carrying the trauma constantly like Katie did with hormones and physical treatments affecting her body daily.
Men can serve as emotional barriers, fielding questions from family and friends so their partners can focus on healing
Adam specifically describes how he told family members to come to him with questions about treatment rounds and progress, protecting Katie from triggering conversations while she focused on her body and mind.
