Adam shares his perspective on the fertility journey he and his partner Katie went through, from devastating IVF losses to their natural conception miracle. He offers honest insights about being a supportive partner through fertility struggles.
Katie· natural· Baby girlBefore
Living as a victim of fertility struggles, anxious and defeated by multiple losses
Key Shift
Stopped being a victim and started owning her destiny, bought baby items in preparation
After
Empowered, happy, and able to envision her future baby
Adam reveals the unique guilt and helplessness men experience during fertility journeys. Unlike women who carry the physical and emotional burden 24/7, men often live in moments of devastation while feeling guilty they don't suffer enough. His honest perspective shows how male partners can serve as emotional barriers and advocates while learning what support actually looks like.
Initially thinking mindset coaching was 'witchcraft,' Adam witnessed Katie's powerful transformation from victim to owner of her destiny. He describes the pivotal moment when they bought baby items together, marking her shift from fear to preparation. This transformation preceded their natural conception after years of IVF failures and devastating losses.
After years of fertility treatments and multiple losses, Katie and Adam conceived naturally when she found happiness again. Adam's reaction of disbelief - 'Fuck off' - reflects how unexpected their miracle was after being told IVF was their only chance. Their daughter Riley represents the impossible made possible through mindset transformation and surrender.
“be there emotionally for your partner. Kind of be there physically too, but kind of it isn't always kind of the proximity through that. It's just being available.”
— Adam▶ 28:07
Men can serve as emotional barriers with family questions, get their own fertility testing done without ego, learn what support actually looks like through communication, and allow their partners to explore different healing approaches even if they don't understand them.
“just check yourself and just be like, if I can do this, like my partner's saying, try this, explore it, give it a go.”
— Adam▶ 26:57
Men should get semen analysis and fertility testing done without making it personal or feeling attacked. Taking pills or supplements for a few months is minimal compared to what women endure through fertility treatments.
“she kind of stopped being less of a victim. She started to kind of own her own destiny.”
— Adam▶ 16:33
Yes, natural conception can happen after multiple IVF failures. Katie and Adam conceived naturally after years of treatments and losses when Katie's mindset shifted from victim to empowered and she found happiness again.
“I don't think I felt like I was traumatized by this enough, only in the moment of when we lost and when I was supporting Katie”
— Adam▶ 20:01
Men often live in moments of devastation rather than carrying the struggle 24/7 like women do. They may feel guilty about not suffering enough and experience unique forms of helplessness while wanting to protect and support their partners.
“that magic, if we're going to call it witchcraft, wizardry, it worked. Like, it's not bollocks.”
— Adam▶ 18:15
Initially skeptical men often witness powerful transformation in their partners. Adam thought mindset work was 'witchcraft' but saw Katie transform from victim to empowered, leading to their natural conception after IVF failures.
“let's go and buy a baby item. Let's go and buy something for our baby when they're here.”
— Adam▶ 17:14
The key marker is when a woman stops living in fear and starts preparing for her baby's arrival. Katie and Adam bought baby items together as a sign of her transformation from victim to empowered.
Practical steps for men to provide meaningful support during fertility challenges
Get tested without ego
Complete semen analysis and fertility testing without taking it personally or feeling attacked
Become the family barrier
Field questions from family and friends so your partner can focus on healing without triggering conversations
Ask what support looks like
Don't assume you know what help looks like - communicate and learn what your partner actually needs
Stay open to different approaches
Support your partner's exploration of mindset work, holistic healing, or other approaches even if you don't understand them
Be emotionally available
Focus on being present and available rather than trying to fix or solve everything
Men experience fertility struggles differently - living in the moment of devastation rather than carrying it 24/7 like women do
Adam describes feeling devastated in moments of receiving bad news from treatment centers, but not carrying the trauma constantly like Katie did with hormones and physical treatments affecting her body daily.
Men can serve as emotional barriers, fielding questions from family and friends so their partners can focus on healing
Adam specifically describes how he told family members to come to him with questions about treatment rounds and progress, protecting Katie from triggering conversations while she focused on her body and mind.
Men need to check their insecurities at the door and get fertility testing done without making it personal
Adam underwent semen analysis discovering low morphology, saw doctors for varicocele checks, and took supplements for months, emphasizing this is minimal compared to what women endure through fertility treatments.
Mindset work transforms women from victims to owners of their destiny, even when partners don't initially understand it
Adam initially thought the mindset coaching was 'witchcraft' but witnessed Katie stop being a victim and start owning her destiny, leading them to buy baby items before their successful natural conception.
The key marker of transformation is when a woman starts preparing for her baby's arrival instead of living in fear
Adam knew things had changed when Katie suggested buying baby items - a baseball cap for him and a baby grower for her - right before they lost Ronnie but then conceived Riley naturally.
Men often don't have support networks for fertility struggles because they don't naturally discuss these intimate challenges
Adam reveals he only confided in a handful of best friends, mostly when together with beers, and his friends admitted they didn't know the full extent of their losses until much later in the process.
Sometimes work colleagues become unexpected sources of support because vulnerability is easier with people outside your inner circle
Adam found that work colleagues who learned about their fertility journey during time off became sources of deep sharing and support, sometimes more openly than with close friends.
Partners need to learn through communication what support actually looks like rather than assuming they know
Adam learned that Katie needed him present in the room during panic attacks, not necessarily physical touch, and that what he thought was right wasn't always right - requiring ongoing communication and adjustment.
Men carry guilt about not suffering enough compared to their partners in the fertility journey
Adam openly admits feeling guilty that he could live outside the fertility struggle most of the time while Katie carried it 24/7 with hormones and physical treatments affecting her constantly.
Natural conception can happen after multiple IVF failures when the pressure is removed and joy returns
Katie and Adam conceived naturally after years of IVF treatments and devastating losses, with Adam noting it happened when Katie found happiness again and they had stopped intensive medical intervention.
Men experience fertility struggles differently - living in the moment of devastation rather than carrying it 24/7 like women do
▶ 19:30Men can serve as emotional barriers, fielding questions from family and friends so their partners can focus on healing
▶ 9:01Men need to check their insecurities at the door and get fertility testing done without making it personal
▶ 26:37Mindset work transforms women from victims to owners of their destiny, even when partners don't initially understand it
▶ 16:33The key marker of transformation is when a woman starts preparing for her baby's arrival instead of living in fear
▶ 16:54Men often don't have support networks for fertility struggles because they don't naturally discuss these intimate challenges
▶ 9:54Sometimes work colleagues become unexpected sources of support because vulnerability is easier with people outside your inner circle
▶ 13:11Partners need to learn through communication what support actually looks like rather than assuming they know
▶ 27:58Men carry guilt about not suffering enough compared to their partners in the fertility journey
▶ 20:01Natural conception can happen after multiple IVF failures when the pressure is removed and joy returns
▶ 23:48“Men don't need emotional support during fertility struggles because the physical burden is on women”
CONSIDER: Men experience unique forms of guilt and helplessness that require acknowledgment and different types of support networks
“Mindset work is 'witchcraft' or pseudoscience that doesn't produce real results”
CONSIDER: Mindset work creates measurable transformation from victim to empowered, enabling couples to take action toward their dreams
“she kind of stopped being less of a victim. She started to kind of own her own destiny.”
“just check yourself and just be like, if I can do this, like my partner's saying, try this, explore it, give it a go.”
“that magic, if we're going to call it witchcraft, wizardry, it worked. Like, it's not bollocks.”
“I don't think I felt like I was traumatized by this enough, only in the moment of when we lost and when I was supporting Katie”
“be there emotionally for your partner. Kind of be there physically too, but kind of it isn't always kind of the proximity through that. It's just being available.”
EP268 From Devastation to A Fertility “Fairytale” Ending She Thought Was Impossible: Katy’s Story
How a woman who carried limiting beliefs for 20 years transformed her mindset and conceived naturally at 41 after multiple losses and IVF failures.
EP150 The MD Who Traded Misery For Joy Became “Mama Mariéve”
The MD who went skiing and had a beer the day after her transfer — and why that mindset shift changed everything.
EP40 By Following Her Intuition, She Beat the Odds
How a woman with kinked tubes and failed IVF cycles conceived naturally by following her intuition instead of her doctor's advice.
Limiting beliefs about fertility can persist for decades without any medical evidence and become self-fulfilling prophecies
Katie carried the belief 'there's something wrong, you can't have a baby' for 20 years starting from her teens, despite never attempting to conceive or having any medical tests to support this belief
Your desire speaking louder than fear in pivotal moments reveals your inner truth
When told 'this might be your only chance' after Katie's second trimester loss, her immediate internal response was 'fuck that' - her desire refusing to accept limitation
You don't have to be a slave to your fertility treatment — you can treat yourself like a queen and still conceive
Dr. Mariève went skiing and had a beer the day after her successful transfer, completely opposite to her previous restricted cycles, and conceived her son at 36 after four failed transfers.
Making treatment livable is key to lasting long enough for success — if you're miserable, you'll quit before your breakthrough
Dr. Mariève nearly stopped after her fourth transfer failure with a genetically normal embryo, but learning to have joy during treatment gave her the resilience to continue to her successful fifth transfer.
