Rosanne reveals the hidden self-sabotage pattern that keeps women stuck on their fertility journey: choosing to be 'right' about limiting stories instead of focusing on what it takes to be fertile. She breaks down how we use statistics and excuses as bulletproof justification for giving up on our dreams.
Rosanne reveals how our attachment to negative fertility stories can become more important to us than actually getting pregnant. She explains how we unconsciously collect 'bulletproof' excuses to justify giving up without taking responsibility for abandoning our dreams.
Common self-sabotage patterns include using statistics as justification, claiming we need partner 'permission' for fertility investments, and blaming family for lack of support without ever clearly communicating our needs. These become twisted justifications for not going farther on the journey.
Rosanne provides a practical framework: identify the degree you're choosing to be right over fertile, recognize exactly how you're sabotaging yourself, and honestly assess what this pattern is costing you. The goal is shifting focus from proving limitations to finding solutions.
“Sometimes we get so committed to our negative stories that we'd rather hold on to them than do what it actually takes to be successful on this journey”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 2:34
Look for three key signs: you're holding onto negative stories about your odds, you're making excuses instead of taking action (like needing partner 'permission'), and you're more focused on being right about limitations than finding solutions.
“I'll take those odds because I ain't leaving without my baby, and ten percent means shit's still possible”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 5:09
Yes, if there's still a chance. Even 10% odds mean success is possible. Focus on being the exception rather than using statistics as an excuse to give up. Waiting often leads to even worse odds later.
“Sometimes we hold on to the story so we can be right in order to have the perfect excuse for not going farther”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 3:57
Making excuses feels safer than risking disappointment or having to explain giving up. We unconsciously collect 'bulletproof' reasons like poor statistics or partner objections to justify quitting without taking responsibility.
“Focus on being fertile. Fuck being right. You don't wanna be right about anything except that you are fertile”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 14:17
Shift from proving statistics right to focusing on being fertile. Identify where you're choosing to be 'right' over taking action, recognize your specific excuse patterns, and honestly assess what this mindset is costing you.
“We all do this. We all fucking do this. I don't care how type a, high achieving you think you are. Everybody loves to tuck in that secret squirrel excuse”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 7:03
Yes, everyone has moments of wanting the 'easy' excuse to quit. The key is recognizing when you're collecting reasons to give up rather than focusing on what it takes to succeed. This awareness can prevent regret later.
“Five years from now, when you are five years older, five years deeper into this journey, or five years post giving up on yourself, that ten percent that you balked at is gonna look mighty fine”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 13:04
You'll likely face worse odds later. The 10% chance you reject today could become 1% in five years. Focusing on being 'right' about limitations instead of taking action leads to regret and missed opportunities for conception.
A three-step process to identify and overcome self-sabotage patterns that keep you stuck in limiting fertility stories
Identify the degree
Be brutally honest about how much you're engaging in this behavior. Notice if you get defensive or self-righteous when challenged about it - that's a surefire indicator you're doing it.
Identify exactly how
Pinpoint specific ways you're sabotaging yourself. Are you using money decisions, family approval, or partner 'permission' as excuses? Are you telling yourself others won't support you without actually asking?
Count the cost
Be honest about what choosing to be 'right' is costing you. Consider that the 10% odds you reject today could become 1% odds in five years, and focus on solutions instead of justifications.
Sometimes we get so committed to our negative fertility stories that we'd rather hold on to them than do what it actually takes to be successful on this journey
Rosanne conceived naturally at 43 after years of treatment failure by choosing to focus on being fertile instead of being right about age-related statistics and doctor predictions.
Holding onto negative stories provides the perfect bulletproof excuse for giving up on yourself and your dream without having to explain to others why you abandoned this baby
Rosanne shares her own experience of being tempted by 'reasonable' excuses like being 'too old' at over 40, which nearly cost her the chance to have her son.
When you focus more on being fertile than being right, you open up opportunities and chances for yourself to get and stay pregnant that you would not have otherwise considered
Rosanne demonstrates this by choosing 10% odds over giving up, ultimately conceiving naturally at 43 when doctors suggested donor eggs.
The perfect excuse often sounds like 'I have to talk to my husband because that's how we make decisions' - it's one of the weakest excuses for not standing in your power
Rosanne calls out this pattern from working with women across 6 continents for 12+ years, noting how women who can earn money need permission from men to invest it.
Being the woman who says 'I'll take those odds because I ain't leaving without my baby, and ten percent means shit's still possible' positions you to beat the odds
This exact mindset allowed Rosanne to conceive naturally at 43 despite doctors recommending donor eggs due to age-related statistics.
Five years from now when you're deeper into this journey, that ten percent you balked at will look mighty fine compared to one percent and your doctor telling you to adopt
Rosanne illustrates how women in her practice who focused on being 'right' about poor odds ended up with even worse statistics years later, while those who took action early succeeded.
You must identify the degree to which you are choosing to be right instead of fertile, and be very fucking honest about it
This is step one of Rosanne's three-part framework developed from 12+ years coaching women ages 28-54 across six continents who achieved pregnancy success.
You need to identify exactly how you are sabotaging yourself - whether it's with money decisions, family support, or partner communication
Rosanne has identified these specific self-sabotage patterns across hundreds of client interactions over 12+ years, seeing women blame family or partners instead of advocating for their needs.
You must be honest about what choosing to be 'right' is actually costing you - potentially being left behind while focusing on statistics instead of solutions
Rosanne demonstrates this through her own near-miss experience of almost giving up due to age statistics, which would have cost her the chance to have her son.
Sometimes we get so committed to our negative fertility stories that we'd rather hold on to them than do what it actually takes to be successful on this journey
▶ 2:34Holding onto negative stories provides the perfect bulletproof excuse for giving up on yourself and your dream without having to explain to others why you abandoned this baby
▶ 4:49When you focus more on being fertile than being right, you open up opportunities and chances for yourself to get and stay pregnant that you would not have otherwise considered
▶ 2:03The perfect excuse often sounds like 'I have to talk to my husband because that's how we make decisions' - it's one of the weakest excuses for not standing in your power
▶ 7:23Being the woman who says 'I'll take those odds because I ain't leaving without my baby, and ten percent means shit's still possible' positions you to beat the odds
▶ 5:09Five years from now when you're deeper into this journey, that ten percent you balked at will look mighty fine compared to one percent and your doctor telling you to adopt
▶ 13:04You must identify the degree to which you are choosing to be right instead of fertile, and be very fucking honest about it
▶ 9:59You need to identify exactly how you are sabotaging yourself - whether it's with money decisions, family support, or partner communication
▶ 11:20You must be honest about what choosing to be 'right' is actually costing you - potentially being left behind while focusing on statistics instead of solutions
▶ 12:32“Poor statistics and low odds mean you should give up or not try certain treatments”
CONSIDER: Ten percent odds still means success is possible - focus on being the exception rather than proving the statistics right
“You need your partner's permission to make fertility-related investments or decisions”
CONSIDER: Asking permission when you can earn money but need approval to invest it is a weak excuse for not standing in your power
“Being realistic about fertility challenges protects you from disappointment”
CONSIDER: Sometimes we get so committed to negative stories that we'd rather hold onto them than do what it takes to be successful
“Do you want to be fertile, or do you want to be right?”
“Sometimes we get so committed to our negative stories that we'd rather hold on to them than do what it actually takes to be successful on this journey”
“I'll take those odds because I ain't leaving without my baby, and ten percent means shit's still possible”
“Focus on being fertile. Fuck being right”
“We all fucking do this. I don't care how type a, high achieving you think you are. Everybody loves to tuck in that secret squirrel excuse”
“Sometimes we hold on to the story so we can be right in order to have the perfect excuse for not going farther”
“It's a twisted justification for why you abandoned yourself and your dream”
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Conditions
Frameworks & Methods
Common Beliefs
We spend 95% of our day in unconscious patterns, only 5% consciously thinking, which means most women sleepwalk through their fertility journey repeating the same ineffective behaviors
Current brain science data shows 95% of thoughts are subconscious and 60% are negative, explaining why women get stuck repeating patterns without conscious intervention.
Wishing and hoping are passive victim states that entertain the possibility of failure, while belief is an active committed state focused on reasons why you can succeed
Napoleon Hill's principle shows the difference: 'The state of mind must be belief, not mere hope or wish' - belief creates confidence and bold action while hope keeps one foot out the door.
The desire in your heart to be a mom is there because it was fucking meant for you - this desire is your divine assignment
Rosanne conceived naturally at 43 after years of treatment failure by following this principle. Recent podcast guests Elise and Mikayla both held babies after choosing belief over their circumstances.
Belief always precedes the miracle - you must believe even in the darkest moments, not just when things feel good
All of the recent podcast success stories featured women who believed bigger than their current circumstances. A fertility expert interviewed confirmed that most fertility challenges are figureoutable.
