Chris shares his transformation from skeptical husband to supportive partner as he and his wife Erica went from a 0% chance diagnosis with stage 4 endometriosis to conceiving naturally. He reveals the male perspective on fertility struggles, including his protective mechanism of saying 'I'm okay if we don't have kids' while secretly wanting a child.
Erica· natural· Baby boyBefore
Clinic hopping, constant IVF cycles, stressed and pressured
Key Shift
Took a year break from treatments, focused on mental health and diet, adopted 'it's gonna happen' mindset
After
Relaxed, confident, naturally conceived on vacation
Chris reveals how men often protect themselves emotionally during fertility struggles by claiming they're okay without children, when they actually want them deeply. This creates misunderstandings with partners who may interpret this as lack of investment.
Despite being told by multiple IVF clinics they had zero percent chance of natural conception due to Erica's stage 4 endometriosis, the couple conceived naturally after taking a year break from treatments. This transformation happened when they focused on mental health and reduced pressure.
Chris describes how clinic hopping and scheduled intimacy destroyed their natural connection and created work-like pressure around conception. The financial stress also represented putting a price tag on their future child.
When Erica shifted from desperate clinic hopping to confident belief that 'it's gonna happen,' Chris became aligned with this positive mindset. Their mental and emotional alignment preceded natural conception on vacation in Florida.
“I was like, if I have a kid, I have a kid. If I don't have a kid, I'm okay with it. But then once she got pregnant, I was like, I was just fooling myself. I wanted a kid.”
— Chris▶ 6:47
Men often use protective mechanisms, telling themselves and their partners they're okay without children when they actually want them deeply. This helps them avoid disappointment but can create misunderstandings.
“when you're giving statistically odds of being, like, less than zero percent from most of these IVF clinics, And they're like, you don't have a chance of having a baby naturally, and then you do. It's just like, well, you're wrong.”
— Chris▶ 19:11
Yes, natural conception is possible even with stage 4 endometriosis. Chris and Erica conceived naturally after being told they had zero percent chance, proving that medical predictions aren't always accurate.
“She was like I'm gonna take a break and I think it was like about a year I think that she took a break and between that time of taking a break and focusing on her mental health and focusing on her diet”
— Chris▶ 17:07
Taking breaks from fertility treatments can be beneficial for conception. Chris and Erica took a year break from IVF clinics, focused on mental health and reducing stress, and conceived naturally during this time.
“the time scheduling on, like, trying naturally is it it ruins things. It ruins intimacy. It ruins, like it does. It's like you're on a time schedule of, like, going to work”
— Chris▶ 17:38
Stress from constant treatments and scheduled intimacy can inhibit conception. Chris described how time scheduling for ovulation ruined intimacy and created work-like pressure that interfered with natural conception.
“once you have your child you're like, that was stupid to talk like to think about that way. You know? Like Yeah. Well, I think that's I think you're raising another very interesting and astute point here is because we are very programmed to go into dollars and cents. Yeah. But we're talking about a human being.”
— Chris▶ 21:24
Men often worry about fertility treatment costs from a practical standpoint, but this represents putting a price tag on your child. Chris realized after having his son that financial concerns were misguided since children cost more than treatments over 18 years anyway.
“When she started just kind of not pressuring herself and like just being very you know, I don't know laissez faire like it's just gonna we're just gonna go with it. That's when I think I was more tuned in to being like, yeah, let's just do that”
— Chris▶ 16:36
Partners can support each other by aligning their mindset and taking pressure off the process. Chris became more positive when his wife Erica shifted to believing 'it's gonna happen' and they focused on relaxing and living their lives.
Men often use protective mechanisms during fertility journeys, saying they're okay without children when they actually deeply want them
Chris admitted he told himself and his wife 'if I have a kid, I have a kid. If I don't have a kid, I'm okay with it' but realized after conception 'I was just fooling myself. I wanted a kid' and had been protecting himself from disappointment.
Taking time away from fertility treatments and focusing on mental health can lead to natural conception
Chris and Erica took a year break from IVF clinics, focused on her mental health, diet, and reducing stress. During this break, they conceived naturally despite stage 4 endometriosis and being told they had zero percent chance of natural conception.
Clinic hopping and constant treatment cycles can create stress that inhibits conception
Chris described how they went to 4-5 different clinics, with scheduling ruining intimacy and creating work-like pressure. Once they stopped the clinic cycle and relaxed, they conceived naturally on vacation.
Statistics and medical predictions can be completely wrong when mind and body align
Chris and Erica were given less than zero percent chance of natural conception by multiple IVF clinics due to her stage 4 endometriosis and autoimmune condition, yet they conceived naturally after mindset shifts.
Financial concerns about fertility treatments stem from putting a price tag on your child
Chris realized after having his son that worrying about IVF costs was 'stupid to think about that way' because 'you're putting a price tag on your child' and the child will cost more than treatments anyway over 18 years.
Partner mindset shifts can be contagious and create alignment for conception
When Erica shifted to 'laissez faire' thinking and stopped pressuring herself, Chris became 'more tuned in' to the positive mindset. Her transformation from clinic hopping to 'it's gonna happen' was like 'a head transplant' that influenced his belief.
Scheduled intimacy during fertility treatments destroys natural connection and romance
Chris explained how time scheduling for ovulation 'ruins things. It ruins intimacy' because 'you're on a time schedule of going to work, and you're like, we gotta do this now because I'm ovulating.'
Taking pressure off and living your life can create the conditions for natural conception
Chris advised to 'take the pressure off of ourselves' and 'just chill, take a minute, take a step back' rather than constantly going to clinics. He and Erica conceived naturally after adopting this approach.
Men often use protective mechanisms during fertility journeys, saying they're okay without children when they actually deeply want them
▶ 6:47Taking time away from fertility treatments and focusing on mental health can lead to natural conception
▶ 17:07Clinic hopping and constant treatment cycles can create stress that inhibits conception
▶ 17:38Statistics and medical predictions can be completely wrong when mind and body align
▶ 28:29Financial concerns about fertility treatments stem from putting a price tag on your child
▶ 21:24Partner mindset shifts can be contagious and create alignment for conception
▶ 16:36Scheduled intimacy during fertility treatments destroys natural connection and romance
▶ 17:38Taking pressure off and living your life can create the conditions for natural conception
▶ 23:18“Men who say they're okay without kids aren't invested in having children”
CONSIDER: Men often use this as a protective mechanism while secretly wanting children deeply
“You need to keep trying treatments aggressively to maximize your chances”
CONSIDER: Taking breaks from treatment and focusing on mental health can be more effective
“Medical statistics determine your fertility outcome”
CONSIDER: Statistics become irrelevant when your mind and body are aligned
“I was like, if I have a kid, I have a kid. If I don't have a kid, I'm okay with it. But then once she got pregnant, I was like, I was just fooling myself. I wanted a kid.”
“when you're giving statistically odds of being, like, less than zero percent from most of these IVF clinics, And they're like, you don't have a chance of having a baby naturally, and then you do. It's just like, well, you're wrong.”
“the time scheduling on, like, trying naturally is it it ruins things. It ruins intimacy.”
“once you have your child you're like, that was stupid to talk like to think about that way. You know? Like Yeah. Well, I think that's I think you're raising another very interesting and astute point here is because we are very programmed to go into dollars and cents. Yeah. But we're talking about a human being.”
“don't get caught up in the numbers. I mean, be realistic of the situation. Right? The that was that was me. I was getting caught up in the numbers.”
“when your mind and body are working together, you can make the seemingly impossible possible.”
EP291: 9 Years, Stage 4 Endo, Repeated Failed IVF, and A 0% Chance to Pregnant Naturally: Erika’s Story
How do you go from stage 4 endometriosis, failed IVF, and a 0% chance to pregnant naturally in Disney World?
EP131 From Hostage To Fear, To Getting And Staying Pregnant…Finally
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EP367: 10 Years to Healthy Baby Girl: Lavinia's Story
How a Romanian woman overcame 10 years of fertility struggles, multiple IVF failures, and autoimmune issues to hold her baby girl at 43 by shifting from victim to victor.
Statistics are not your destiny - you can choose to be an outlier rather than a statistic
Erika overcame stage 4 endometriosis, multiple failed IVF cycles, and a 0% chance of natural conception to conceive naturally at 31 after 9 years of trying.
Fertility challenges transcend age - you can have the diagnosis of someone in their fifties while in your twenties
Erika was told at 29 that her AMH and egg counts were like those of a 50-year-old, yet she still conceived naturally at 31.
Fear-based saboteur messages about motherhood can physically block conception and pregnancy success, even when you're doing all the physical healing work
Teresa was a yoga therapist doing acupuncture, psychotherapy, diet changes, and Arvigo therapy but still had four miscarriages until she addressed her core fears that motherhood would destroy her marriage and that she wasn't capable of being a good mother.
Professional expertise in mind-body work doesn't immunize you from your own blocks—you cannot see your own saboteurs without outside help
Teresa was a certified yoga therapist and Arvigo practitioner who understood mind-body connection intellectually but couldn't identify her own motherhood fears until working with a coach.
