Rosanne Austin examines how relationship dynamics can impact fertility success, teaching women to honestly assess whether they and their partners are truly on the same page about having a baby. She explores how your inner mama bear may create roadblocks if she senses the family foundation isn't solid.
Rosanne challenges women to examine their relationships honestly, arguing that building a family on shaky ground is a recipe for disaster. She debunks the myth that relationship issues can wait until after the baby arrives, calling this approach passive and lazy.
The maternal instinct is stronger than most women realize and may shut down fertility if it senses the baby won't be safe, loved, or entering a stable home. This protective mechanism operates on an intuitive level that women often bury under fear and logic.
Self-sabotage occurs when beliefs don't align with desires. If you don't believe you can have both the relationship and baby you want, your subconscious will create the very outcomes you fear through ignored opportunities and self-defeating behaviors.
Rosanne provides practical steps for evaluating relationship dynamics, including direct questions about alignment, watching for saboteur responses, and taking action on discoveries. Single mothers by choice need to apply this same framework to their relationship with themselves.
“when your inner mama bear is worried that this baby you are calling in either won't be safe, won't be loved, or will be coming into a home where there is a great deal of uncertainty about those parenting this child, your inner mama bear may just say, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 9:04
While relationship issues aren't necessarily the root cause of infertility, they can certainly impact your fertility journey. If your inner mama bear senses instability or uncertainty about the family foundation, she may create roadblocks to protect your future child.
“Are the two of you on the same page about this baby? Are you both excited about this baby you are calling in? Are the two of you fully engaged on this journey?”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 3:57
Ask yourself directly: Are we both excited about this baby? Are we both fully engaged on this journey? Trust your intuition - if you feel a pit in your stomach or hear internal fast-talking trying to distract you from the truth, you have work to do.
“letting your relationship wither away on this journey, hoping things will just get better when your baby comes is a total crock of shit. It's passive, lazy, and a losing strategy.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 2:24
Absolutely not. This is a passive, losing strategy that gambles with your family's foundation. Your partner may leave before the baby arrives, and trying to resolve issues with an infant crying in the background is extremely difficult.
“Your outer world is a reflection of your inner world. You can't outperform your thoughts and beliefs on this journey, my darling.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 13:00
Your outer world reflects your inner world - you can't outperform your thoughts and beliefs. If you don't believe you can have both the relationship and baby you desire, your subconscious will sabotage opportunities and create the very thing you fear.
“instead of asking yourself about your relationship with another person, you SMBCs will want to ask yourself about your relationship with you. Are you on the same page with you?”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 11:39
The same principles apply, but the focus shifts to your relationship with yourself. You need to resolve any internal conflict about pursuing motherhood alone, as early programming might create sabotaging thoughts about your choice being 'wrong' or 'weird.'
“Your intuition is not some magical, otherworldly, unattainable thing. It is in you right now, and, frankly, while you're listening to this, you're probably getting intuitive hits left and right.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 7:02
Your intuition is always speaking to you - it's not magical or otherworldly. If you can't 'tap into' your intuition, you likely don't like what it's telling you because it's asking you to expand beyond your comfort zone.
A framework for honestly evaluating your relationship dynamics during your fertility journey
Ask the direct question
Take a deep breath and ask yourself: Are you and your partner on the same page about this baby? Notice what happens in your body when you do this.
Watch for saboteur responses
Listen for fast-talking internal voices trying to distract you from your truth. Notice feelings of fear about abandonment, starting over, or other uncomfortable emotions that indicate saboteurs at work.
Decide to take action
Commit to addressing whatever you discovered, even if it's a small issue. Prevention is easier than trying to cure relationship problems later.
For SMBCs: Examine self-relationship
Ask yourself if you have any internal conflict about pursuing motherhood on your own, and address any programming that judges your choice as wrong or weird.
Your relationship is the foundation of the family you're building - you can't ignore relationship issues hoping they'll resolve after your baby comes
Rosanne emphasizes that trying to resolve relationship issues with an infant crying in the background is not a recipe for success, and your partner may leave before the baby arrives if issues aren't addressed.
Your inner mama bear may create fertility roadblocks if she senses the baby won't be safe, loved, or coming into a home with uncertainty about the parents
Rosanne explains that maternal instinct is stronger than you think and may shut down production saying 'hell no, this is not what I had in mind for this child' if the relationship foundation isn't solid.
Your outer world is a reflection of your inner world - you can't outperform your thoughts and beliefs about what you can have
Rosanne teaches that if you don't believe you can have both the relationship and baby you desire, your internal program will set you up to ignore opportunities and sabotage yourself, creating the very thing you fear.
You cannot outperform your self-image, which includes your thoughts and beliefs about you and what you can have in this life
Rosanne explains that regardless of how educated, wealthy, or accomplished you are, everyone has an Achilles' heel on this journey that needs to be identified and mentally trained to overcome.
Your intuition is not magical or otherworldly - it's always there speaking to you, but you bury it under fear when it's inconvenient
Rosanne explains that women often say they can't tap into intuition when really they don't like what their intuition is telling them, as it asks them to break free of comfort zones and expand.
For single mothers by choice, the critical relationship to examine is the one with yourself - any internal conflict about doing it alone needs to be resolved
Rosanne teaches that SMBCs need to ask if they're on the same page with themselves, as early programming might tell them their choice is weird or wrong, creating sabotaging internal conflict.
Comparing yourself to people with bad relationships who get pregnant easily is an apples and oranges argument - fertility isn't their particular cross to bear
Rosanne explains that this comparison fails because it tells you getting pregnant isn't their issue, but since you're listening to a fertility podcast, you need to focus on covering your bases for your specific situation.
Your relationship is the foundation of the family you're building - you can't ignore relationship issues hoping they'll resolve after your baby comes
▶ 1:23Your inner mama bear may create fertility roadblocks if she senses the baby won't be safe, loved, or coming into a home with uncertainty about the parents
▶ 9:04Your outer world is a reflection of your inner world - you can't outperform your thoughts and beliefs about what you can have
▶ 13:00You cannot outperform your self-image, which includes your thoughts and beliefs about you and what you can have in this life
▶ 14:21Your intuition is not magical or otherworldly - it's always there speaking to you, but you bury it under fear when it's inconvenient
▶ 6:31For single mothers by choice, the critical relationship to examine is the one with yourself - any internal conflict about doing it alone needs to be resolved
▶ 11:27Comparing yourself to people with bad relationships who get pregnant easily is an apples and oranges argument - fertility isn't their particular cross to bear
▶ 10:17“As long as we're not fighting and still together, our relationship is fine during fertility treatment”
CONSIDER: Not fighting is a basic requirement - you need to demand the whole cake, not just crumbs, and ensure you're both fully engaged and excited about this baby
“Focus on getting pregnant first, then work on relationship issues after the baby comes”
CONSIDER: This is a passive, lazy losing strategy that gambles with your family's foundation - your partner may leave before then, and resolving issues with a crying infant isn't effective
“Your relationship is a critical aspect of your success. It is the foundation of the family you are trying to build. Why the fuck would you ever want to build a family that you are working so hard for on shaky ground?”
“letting your relationship wither away on this journey, hoping things will just get better when your baby comes is a total crock of shit. It's passive, lazy, and a losing strategy.”
“Your outer world is a reflection of your inner world. You can't outperform your thoughts and beliefs on this journey, my darling.”
“you cannot outperform your self image, which includes your thoughts and beliefs about you and what you can have in this life”
“when your inner mama bear is worried that this baby you are calling in either won't be safe, won't be loved, or will be coming into a home where there is a great deal of uncertainty about those parenting this child, your inner mama bear may just say, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh”
EP 365: The New Rules of Fertility #1: Initiation
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EP292: Hate Uncertainty? Do THIS.
Discover the 4-step framework that turns uncertainty from your biggest fear into your secret weapon for fertility success.
Frameworks & Methods
Common Beliefs
The old rules of fertility are rooted in a masculine paradigm of limitation that focuses on what can't be done rather than possibility
Rosanne has coached women for 12+ years across six continents, observing that traditional fertility approaches emphasize statistics, age limitations, and failure histories rather than individual potential and heart-based knowing.
The new rules of fertility respect the mind-body connection and reject the lie that stress has nothing to do with fertility
Over 364 previous podcast episodes feature stories of women who beat fertility odds through mindset work, including women who conceived naturally after years of treatment failure by believing bigger than medical limitations.
Worthiness issues from earlier relationships directly impact fertility journey outcomes and decision-making patterns.
Liz spent 10 years in an unhealthy relationship telling herself she didn't want kids rather than facing the reality, then ghosted her future husband because she couldn't believe he liked her for who she was. These same worthiness patterns showed up as immediately running to IVF after one miscarriage at 41.
The way you do one thing is the way you do everything - relationship patterns will show up in your fertility journey.
Liz's pattern of feeling unworthy in her relationship (ghosting her husband because she couldn't believe he liked her) directly translated to feeling inadequate about conceiving and immediately seeking medical intervention after one miscarriage instead of trusting her body.
