Worried Your Man Doesn't Want Another Baby?
John shares his transformation from resistance to excitement about having another baby, revealing the male perspective on fertility struggles and how his wife Kirsty's mindset work created positive ripple effects in their relationship.
Breakthroughs 1
When women change their mindset and stop blaming, it allows their partners to show up better and be more supportive
John observed that as Kirsty worked on reframing negativity with Rosanne, 'that helped me to help show up better for her' because he felt less attacked and defensive
Teachings 4
Men often focus on what they'll lose rather than what they'll gain when considering having another baby
John explains his change management background helped him recognize he was 'focusing on what I would lose from having another child rather than what I would gain' before shifting perspective
Men feel helpless during fertility struggles because they can't fix the problem, leading to guilt and withdrawal
John describes feeling guilty for delaying trying and helpless because 'as a man, you can't fix it' and 'there's nothing I can do because there's nothing I can fix'
Small acts of advocacy and protection from male partners can make huge differences for women during fertility treatment
John stood up to dismissive doctors and made difficult phone calls, which Kirsty called 'one of the biggest things that you did for me. You advocated for me when I couldn't advocate'
You can tell from a distance who is going to get to the other side of their journey - it's those who make an internal decision to be successful
Rosanne explains that success comes from making 'an internal decision to be successful' and having 'the courage to do that'
Perspectives 1
Focusing on what you stand to lose versus what you stand to gain is for freaking losers
Rosanne emphasizes John's transformation from loss-focused thinking to gain-focused thinking as the key pivot point in his journey
Quotable Moments 4
“I was focusing on what I would lose from having another child rather than what I would gain”
— John“Focusing on what you stand to lose versus what you stand to gain is for freaking losers”
— Rosanne Austin“You can tell from a distance who is going to get to the other side of their journey. It's those who make an internal decision to be successful”
— Rosanne Austin“Whatever is in your power to do, try and do. Because there is a lot of this that isn't in your power”
— John
Questions This Video Answers
How can men support their partners during fertility struggles
“Whatever is in your power to do, try and do. Because there is a lot of this that isn't in your power. And therefore, what you can do, please try and do.”
— John
Men should do whatever is in their power physically (testing, lifestyle changes), keep asking how they can help even if initially rejected, and advocate for their partner during medical appointments.
Why do men resist having another baby
“I was focusing on what I would lose from having another child rather than what I would gain.”
— John
Men often focus on what they'll lose (sleep, time, energy, attention for existing children) rather than what they'll gain from having another child, especially when life is already complicated.
How does women's mindset work affect their male partners
“Her working through some of that stuff with you or at least framing the journey in a more positive way... helped me to help show up better for her.”
— John
When women stop blaming and develop more positive frameworks for their fertility journey, their partners feel less defensive and guilty, allowing them to show up more supportively.
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Key Points 6
Men often focus on what they'll lose rather than what they'll gain when considering having another baby
Men feel helpless during fertility struggles because they can't fix the problem, leading to guilt and withdrawal
When women change their mindset and stop blaming, it allows their partners to show up better and be more supportive
Small acts of advocacy and protection from male partners can make huge differences for women during fertility treatment
Focusing on what you stand to lose versus what you stand to gain is for freaking losers
You can tell from a distance who is going to get to the other side of their journey - it's those who make an internal decision to be successful
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