Rosanne Austin interviews Suzy Yatim Aslam, former Miss Arab America and author of 'Post Pardon Me,' about postpartum depression after fertility struggles. They explore how women who've tried for years to conceive can still experience depression and anxiety after their baby arrives, challenging the myth that having a baby solves all problems.
Postpartum mental health and maternal wellness
Key Insights
Actionable Advice
Suzy shares her shocking experience of severe postpartum depression despite desperately wanting her baby for years. She explains how the guilt of not feeling grateful after fertility struggles can intensify postpartum mental health challenges, creating a dangerous spiral of shame and isolation.
The conversation clarifies the crucial difference between normal baby blues (lasting about 2 weeks) and postpartum depression (persisting for months). Suzy emphasizes how women often dismiss ongoing symptoms as 'just motherhood being hard' rather than recognizing the need for professional help.
Suzy reveals how her depressed energy created a cycle with her baby, where her distress made him distressed, which worsened her condition. This mind-body connection demonstrates why maternal mental health directly impacts the entire family system.
The discussion challenges the Virgin Mary archetype of perfect, selfless motherhood, embracing instead the goddess model that allows for the full spectrum of human emotions. Suzy and Rosanne explore how privilege doesn't eliminate the right to struggle emotionally.
Suzy shares actionable advice including how to communicate needs to partners, the importance of small daily self-care wins, and reframing community support as being for the mother rather than just the child. She emphasizes that asking for help is the crucial first step in recovery.
“I wanted this baby way more than I probably wanted my baby... how much more is it gonna be for somebody in your client's positions where they're like, this miracle finally happened. Why do I feel so terrible?”
— Suzy Yatim Aslam▶ 6:30
Yes, absolutely. Postpartum depression can happen to any woman regardless of how much she wanted her baby or how hard she tried to conceive. The hormonal and life changes that occur after birth affect everyone differently.
“You can have the baby blues, which is pretty normal, and it lasts, like, two weeks after the baby... And then if you still feel that way, three weeks in, four weeks in, two months in, four months in, there's something going on.”
— Suzy Yatim Aslam▶ 12:07
Baby blues are normal for about 2 weeks after birth - you might cry over small things and feel overwhelmed. Postpartum depression is when these feelings persist for weeks or months beyond that initial period.
“I wanted you to read my mind. I needed you to just just know by my face and my thigh and my, like, tears, but he didn't he didn't know. So he just went out and he just did the best that he knew how to do.”
— Suzy Yatim Aslam▶ 39:10
Be direct and specific about what you need. Don't expect them to read your mind. Partners often retreat into work because they don't know how else to help, so clear communication about your needs is essential.
“I'm so blessed, and I have everything and look, and I feel so guilty... your emotional needs are so freaking important to your entire well-being, like, even your physical well-being.”
— Suzy Yatim Aslam▶ 38:50
This guilt is common and understandable. You can love your baby deeply while still struggling with mental health. Having gratitude for your baby doesn't eliminate your right to have emotional needs or challenges.
“I think there was a lot of back and forth. Like, I'm miserable. So then he got miserable, then his misery made me you know, it was just terrible. It was a terrible catch twenty two.”
— Suzy Yatim Aslam▶ 11:25
Yes, babies are very sensitive to their parents' energy. If you're struggling with anxiety or depression, your baby may pick up on that energy, potentially creating cycles where both of you feel distressed.
“I took about fifteen, twenty minutes, and I went on my bike, and I went around and I looked at trees. And that made me happier than anything I could think of.”
— Suzy Yatim Aslam▶ 43:40
Focus on small daily wins rather than big gestures. This might be 15-20 minutes doing something that recharges you personally, like taking a walk, reading, or any activity that brings you joy as an individual.
A framework for distinguishing between normal postpartum adjustment and concerning mental health symptoms that require intervention
Understand the timeline
Normal baby blues last about 2 weeks postpartum. Symptoms persisting beyond 3-4 weeks may indicate postpartum depression.
Assess your emotional state
Notice if you're consistently having negative thoughts, feeling disconnected, or experiencing anxiety that interferes with daily functioning.
Communicate with your partner
Be direct about your needs rather than expecting them to read your mind. Explain specifically how they can support you.
Create small daily wins
Identify 15-20 minute activities that recharge you personally, whether it's reading, walking, or other individual pursuits.
Seek professional help
Acknowledge that needing help is normal and necessary, not a sign of weakness or failure as a mother.
Postpartum depression can be intensified for women who struggled with fertility because the guilt of not feeling grateful compounds the depression
Suzy Yatim Aslam experienced severe postpartum depression after her son was born, despite being former Miss Arab America. She felt guilty for having negative thoughts toward a baby she wanted so desperately.
Baby blues lasting more than 2-3 weeks may indicate postpartum depression, not just normal adjustment to motherhood
Suzy explains that baby blues are normal for about two weeks postpartum, but when symptoms persist for months, it indicates a mental health issue requiring professional help.
Your energy as a new mother directly impacts your baby's energy, creating potential cycles of distress
Suzy noticed her baby was a terrible sleeper and believes he was feeding off her depressed energy, creating a catch-22 where her misery made him miserable, which increased her distress.
Women who've achieved success in other areas often struggle most with asking for help during postpartum challenges
Suzy, despite being Miss Arab America and a successful actress, felt she should naturally know how to be a mother and was embarrassed to admit she didn't even know when to push during delivery.
Partners often retreat into their work during postpartum challenges because they don't know how else to help
Suzy explains that her husband Qasem, an entrepreneur, worked harder than ever after their baby because he didn't know what else to do - going into 'kill the antelope' mode as his way of providing.
The village is for the mother, not the baby - children need connections with their parents more than anyone else
Suzy reframes the saying 'it takes a village to raise a child,' explaining that healthy attachment with parents is most important for children, while the village exists to support the exhausted mother.
Truth lives from the neck down - fear and BS live from the neck up
Rosanne teaches that logical explanations and fear-based thinking happen in the mind, while authentic truth and intuition are felt in the body, particularly relevant for recognizing postpartum mental health needs.
Having privilege doesn't invalidate your emotional needs - gratitude and struggle can coexist
Suzy, living in Scottsdale with financial security, initially felt guilty for being depressed when she had 'everything,' learning that emotional needs matter regardless of external circumstances.
Daily small wins and self-care moments are more valuable than grand gestures during postpartum recovery
Suzy found that taking 15-20 minutes to bike around looking at purple trees that made her happy was more helpful than her husband's suggestion to visit family for six months.
Most people don't really ask new mothers how they're doing - they focus entirely on the baby
Suzy describes a four-month postpartum mother who said Suzy was the first person to really ask how she was doing, and how relatives would grab the baby without even looking at the mother.
Postpartum depression can be intensified for women who struggled with fertility because the guilt of not feeling grateful compounds the depression
▶ 6:30Baby blues lasting more than 2-3 weeks may indicate postpartum depression, not just normal adjustment to motherhood
▶ 12:07Your energy as a new mother directly impacts your baby's energy, creating potential cycles of distress
▶ 11:25Women who've achieved success in other areas often struggle most with asking for help during postpartum challenges
▶ 13:18Partners often retreat into their work during postpartum challenges because they don't know how else to help
▶ 36:50The village is for the mother, not the baby - children need connections with their parents more than anyone else
▶ 43:10Truth lives from the neck down - fear and BS live from the neck up
▶ 40:10Having privilege doesn't invalidate your emotional needs - gratitude and struggle can coexist
▶ 39:40Daily small wins and self-care moments are more valuable than grand gestures during postpartum recovery
▶ 43:40Most people don't really ask new mothers how they're doing - they focus entirely on the baby
▶ 45:30“Having a baby after fertility struggles means you should be grateful and happy all the time”
CONSIDER: You can deeply love your child and still struggle with postpartum mental health - two things can be true at once
“Successful women should naturally know how to be mothers”
CONSIDER: Motherhood skills aren't automatic - even accomplished women need to learn and ask for help
“The village exists primarily to help raise the child”
CONSIDER: The village exists to support the mother - children need their parents' healthy attachment most
“Truth is the shit that we can't run away from.”
“I'm a woman. I can be as contrary as I like.”
“From the neck up is where fear lives. This is where the bullshit lives is from the neck up. From the neck down is where truth lives.”
“The village is for the mom. It's not for the baby.”
“If you think we're goddesses, follow that logic. Goddesses were fierce, and they were pissy, and they were emotional, and they were illogical, and they were happy, and they were sad.”
“You're allowed to not be okay.”
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Conditions
Frameworks & Methods
Common Beliefs
Hiding your truth is a full-time job that sucks your will to live and blocks energy that could light up a city and open a floodlight to your baby
Rosanne conceived naturally at 43 after years of treatment failure by using mindset work that included speaking her truth and freeing up blocked energy.
Telling the truth does not have to be confrontational - you can be kind and measured while still speaking what's true for you
Rosanne, a former prosecutor, demonstrates how professional expertise and boundaries can be maintained while speaking truth, as she did in her own fertility journey and now teaches women across six continents.
Your success or failure on the fertility journey ultimately comes down to you - you are in the most powerful position when you stop giving your power to experts and take responsibility for leading your journey
A 53-year-old miracle mama recently sent pregnancy photos because she stepped into her power and refused to compromise based on age or past failures.
Conceiving is all about receiving - you must unfuck your feminine and reconnect with your ability to receive support, love, and what you need to succeed
Women have been trained to take on masculine traits for professional success, divorcing them from their innate feminine energy that's deeply connected to intuition and inner knowing.
