Rosanne reveals 7 common values that can sabotage fertility success: perfectionism, prioritizing saving money, focusing only on needs vs. wants, timeline constraints, valuing others' opinions over your own, tying self-worth to work, and believing relationships shouldn't have conflict. She explains how each value can block progress and offers reframes for fertility success.
Rosanne introduces how seemingly positive values can actually contradict fertility success, setting up the framework for examining seven specific values that spell disaster for baby making. She emphasizes this isn't about being a bad person, but about conscious choice alignment.
The first destructive value is perfectionism and not making mistakes. Rosanne explains how this blocks fertility because perfect conditions rarely exist, and sometimes imperfect circumstances create the openness needed for conception.
Treating fertility like a budget line item instead of recognizing it as a top life event blocks success. Rosanne teaches that having a baby requires different financial thinking than buying material possessions, emphasizing that regret is more expensive than any treatment.
Focusing only on needs keeps you in survival mode instead of creation mode, while arbitrary timelines create false pressure that ignores your unique circumstances and journey.
Valuing others' opinions over your own can cause abandonment of fertility goals, while tying self-worth to work leads to making easy things unnecessarily difficult on the journey.
Believing relationships shouldn't have conflict leads to giving up fertility dreams to keep peace rather than having honest conversations about needs and desires, ultimately creating more resentment than direct communication would.
“It is one hundred percent possible that you currently hold values that contradict your desire for success on this journey.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 1:23
Seven key values can sabotage fertility success: perfectionism/not making mistakes, prioritizing saving money over investment in your journey, focusing only on needs vs. wants, over-commitment to timelines, valuing others' opinions more than your own, tying self-worth to work, and believing relationships shouldn't have conflict.
“Very rarely are conditions exactly textbook perfect. And even when they are, that doesn't guarantee success on this journey. Sometimes the most imperfect circumstances are, in fact, the perfect circumstances that create an openness within us for getting and staying pregnant.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 5:52
Perfectionism blocks fertility success because perfect conditions rarely exist in fertility journeys, and even when they do, they don't guarantee success. Sometimes imperfect circumstances actually create the openness needed for conception.
“Having a baby has got to be right up there with top life events, But we treat it as if it's just a budget line item.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 7:44
No, fertility treatments shouldn't be treated like regular budget items. Having a baby is a top life event and heart-based calling, not comparable to buying material things like cars. You need different financial thinking for this non-standard life event.
“If you hold the value that relationships don't have conflict, and if you have conflict, somebody's gonna leave, then you're more likely to sit on truth and deny your partner the opportunity to hear what's real for you.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 27:52
No, conflict isn't bad - avoiding it is what damages relationships. Healthy relationships require honest communication about your fertility desires and needs, even if it creates temporary conflict. Avoiding difficult conversations leads to resentment.
“You only allow yourself to have what you, quote, unquote, need, not what you want. Now the reason why this is so dangerous and why this doesn't line up with success is success is a desire.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 13:53
Focusing only on needs keeps you in survival mode instead of creation mode. Since conception requires creative energy and desire, this mindset blocks fertility success. Success itself is a desire, not a need.
“Somewhere, somehow, somebody told us the fairy tale that by the time we're forty, we're supposed to have our shit together, have our kids, have our family, our homes.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 16:57
Arbitrary fertility timelines create false pressure and ignore your unique circumstances. These timelines are often set by people living average lives, but if you've taken a different path, you can't use average measures for your above-average life.
A framework for examining whether your current values align with or block your fertility goals
Identify your current values
Look at the seven problematic values: perfectionism, saving money over investment, needs vs wants, timeline constraints, others' opinions over yours, work-based self-worth, and conflict avoidance in relationships
Assess impact on decisions
Ask yourself honestly: 'Are the values I hold dear conducive to my success? Are they bringing me closer to the success I claim I want?'
Question the source
Examine whether these values are truly your own or remnants of old conditioning from family, school, or society
Choose conscious values
Consciously select values that support your fertility journey as 'a loving, big hearted, intelligent, intuitive, amazing woman who is about to be a mother'
The value of not making mistakes or being perfect can sabotage fertility success because perfect conditions rarely exist, and sometimes imperfect circumstances create the openness needed for conception
Rosanne notes that very rarely are conditions exactly textbook perfect, and even when they are, that doesn't guarantee success - sometimes the most imperfect circumstances are the perfect circumstances that create openness for getting and staying pregnant
Treating having a baby like a budget line item instead of recognizing it as a top life event and heart-based calling will limit your success on the fertility journey
Rosanne explains that having a baby is right up there with top life events, but people treat it as just a budget line item, comparing spending $60,000 on fertility treatments to buying a car when they're completely different investments
Focusing only on needs versus wants keeps you in survival mode instead of creation mode, blocking fertility success since conception requires creative energy and desire
Rosanne teaches that the only true needs are food, water, and shelter - everything beyond that is desire, and anyone who has created anything worthwhile did so based on desire, not just meeting basic needs
Over-commitment to arbitrary timelines like 'having a baby by 40' creates false pressure and ignores the uniqueness of your individual journey and circumstances
Rosanne points out that arbitrary timelines are propagated by people who live average lives, but if you've spent your adult life working on your profession or took a different path, you can't use average measures when your life is above average
Valuing other people's opinions more than your own can cause you to abandon your fertility goals when partners or family members don't support your choices
Rosanne shares she's heard women practically weeping on calls about how badly they want a baby, but when it comes to making decisions about transformation or getting help, if their partner isn't on board or can't understand, they just quit
Hanging your self-worth on work and believing you must work hard to earn good things will cause you to make easy things unnecessarily difficult on your fertility journey
Rosanne explains that when you value hard work above all else, you will take easy, simple things, overthink them, get overwrought and overwhelmed because you learned that if it's not hard, you haven't earned it or you're not good enough
Believing relationships shouldn't have conflict leads to giving up on your fertility dreams to keep the peace rather than having honest conversations about what you need
Rosanne warns that holding the value that relationships don't have conflict puts you in a position where you'll shut up and not be honest about your desires, potentially giving up on the dream just to keep the peace
There is nothing more expensive than regret - if saving money is important, save it in other places, but don't cut corners on your fertility journey
Rosanne points out that people torture themselves about not starting their family earlier, and warns that cutting corners on fertility due to money concerns will lead to even worse self-torture over something that's easier to fix than time
The value of not making mistakes or being perfect can sabotage fertility success because perfect conditions rarely exist, and sometimes imperfect circumstances create the openness needed for conception
▶ 4:19Treating having a baby like a budget line item instead of recognizing it as a top life event and heart-based calling will limit your success on the fertility journey
▶ 7:44Focusing only on needs versus wants keeps you in survival mode instead of creation mode, blocking fertility success since conception requires creative energy and desire
▶ 13:53Over-commitment to arbitrary timelines like 'having a baby by 40' creates false pressure and ignores the uniqueness of your individual journey and circumstances
▶ 15:56Valuing other people's opinions more than your own can cause you to abandon your fertility goals when partners or family members don't support your choices
▶ 18:17Hanging your self-worth on work and believing you must work hard to earn good things will cause you to make easy things unnecessarily difficult on your fertility journey
▶ 23:13Believing relationships shouldn't have conflict leads to giving up on your fertility dreams to keep the peace rather than having honest conversations about what you need
▶ 27:52There is nothing more expensive than regret - if saving money is important, save it in other places, but don't cut corners on your fertility journey
▶ 11:21“You should only spend what you need, not what you want, and treat fertility like any other budget item”
CONSIDER: Having a baby is a top life event and heart-based calling that requires different financial thinking than buying a car - you cannot use standard budgeting rules for non-standard life events
“Relationships should be conflict-free and if there's conflict, the relationship is in trouble”
CONSIDER: Healthy relationships require honest communication about desires and needs, even if it creates temporary conflict - avoiding conflict leads to resentment that destroys relationships
“If it's not hard work, you haven't earned it and it's not good enough”
CONSIDER: Sometimes the power move on the fertility journey is to do less extremely well, not more - making easy things hard is a toxic pattern that blocks success
“It is one hundred percent possible that you currently hold values that contradict your desire for success on this journey.”
“There is nothing more expensive than regret.”
“When you value hard work, you will make easy things hard.”
“You cannot treat having a baby in the same way that you would treat budgeting for a fucking car.”
“Sometimes the most imperfect circumstances are, in fact, the perfect circumstances that create an openness within us for getting and staying pregnant.”
“You'd rather do a couple years in prison than go spend twenty thousand dollars on an attorney that can help you either beat those charges or reduce your exposure in prison. Like, are you fucking kidding?”
EP201 Are You Really Ready? The Dream v. Being Ready to Receive It.
Are you just dreaming about your baby, or are you actually ready to receive them?
EP 366: The New Rules of Fertility #2: Evolving Away From Effort
What if the exhausting 'effort' you're putting into your fertility journey is actually pushing your baby away?
EP208 Recession Proof Your Relationship
What happens when your partner wants to press pause on fertility treatments because of recession fears, but your biological clock won't wait?
Conditions
Frameworks & Methods
Common Beliefs
There's a fundamental difference between wanting a baby from lack versus being ready to receive one - wanting comes from what isn't here, while readiness focuses on preparing for what's to come
Rosanne observed this shift in all successful clients featured on her podcast over 200+ episodes, noting when 'the switch flips' from chasing energy to confident readiness
Being ready to receive has an innate emotional maturity, confidence, peace and calm that is decidedly different from the desperate energy of 'when is my baby gonna get here?'
Rosanne describes recognizing this shift in all women who achieved success on her podcast, noting it's 'truly a beautiful thing' to observe when the transformation happens
Traditional fertility effort - overwork, perfectionism, timeline obsession, desperation - signals scarcity to your nervous system and sabotages conception
Austin coached a woman who wouldn't eat cake on her wedding anniversary because she thought it would prevent pregnancy - this exhaustion-based approach is decidedly masculine and unsustainable
Force and effort are not the same thing - force comes from fear and insecurity, while evolved effort comes from love and vision
Austin was on her fertility journey for seven years and learned that forcing everything was deranged - the more she forced, the more she thought she was putting in effort, but it was all fear-based
