Matt shares his vulnerable journey through male factor infertility, from initial shock and pride to becoming Nicole's strongest advocate. After a failed surgery and three IVF failures with the wrong doctor, they found a clinic that used ultrasound-guided transfers and succeeded on their fourth attempt.
Nicole· IVF· Baby boyBefore
Could never say no to family, scared of shots, not advocating with doctors
Key Shift
Started waking up early for coaching, setting boundaries, confidently challenging doctors who suggested surrogacy
After
Confident advocate who told doctors 'No, we are not doing that. No, we are going to keep trying'
Matt shares the emotional impact of discovering his fertility challenges and how he needed time to process the diagnosis. He describes the isolation of finding no support among coworkers and the mental shift from dwelling on causes to focusing on solutions moving forward.
Matt witnesses Nicole's powerful transformation through the Fearlessly Fertile Method, from someone who couldn't wake up early to a confident advocate setting boundaries and challenging doctors. This change creates a positive influence that strengthens their partnership and approach to treatment.
After three failed IVF attempts and an unnecessary surgery, Matt and Nicole learn to question medical authority and seek multiple opinions. Their persistence leads them to a caring doctor who uses proper ultrasound-guided techniques, resulting in their successful pregnancy.
Matt describes the overwhelming moment of becoming a father and the reality of raising his energetic two-year-old son. He reflects on how the journey made them better parents and emphasizes the importance of men being fully involved in fertility treatments.
“there's nothing I could do about the past. It's what do we do moving forward? That's what changed my mentality about it”
— Matt▶ 6:23
Men need time to process the diagnosis emotionally, not just medically. Find healthy distractions like physical projects, accept that dwelling on the past won't help, and focus on moving forward with solutions alongside your partner.
“how do you guys know so much about this process? This is very sad that you guys know this much”
— Matt▶ 19:36
Good fertility doctors take time to know you personally, use current techniques like ultrasound-guided transfers, and care more about you than the process. Bad doctors rush appointments, use outdated methods, and make you feel like a number rather than a person.
“I saw the change in that and it's like, Woah. Man, made you think and just take a step back and I go, Wow. Something's going on here. I like it”
— Matt▶ 13:36
When a woman transforms her mindset and becomes more confident, it creates a positive ripple effect that influences her partner to step up as well. The man starts seeing her strength and becomes more supportive and involved in the process.
“Did they use an ultrasound machine to guide it in? We said, no. Then, well, how do you know it went in?”
— Matt▶ 23:33
Ask about their specific techniques like whether they use ultrasound-guided transfers, how they personalize treatment, and whether they take time to understand your unique situation. Don't be afraid to challenge authority and get multiple opinions.
“if you guys went through the journey that we went through to get here, you would understand. You guys would be doing this”
— Matt▶ 28:48
Men should be fully involved, attending every appointment and being equal partners in medical decisions. This level of involvement is normal and necessary for couples who have been through fertility struggles.
“you could see this little white speck. And he goes, that was the embryo right there going in”
— Matt▶ 24:14
Ultrasound-guided IVF transfer uses real-time ultrasound imaging to precisely place the embryo in the uterus, rather than using measurements and guesswork. This technique can significantly improve success rates compared to older methods.
Male fertility diagnoses require processing time and emotional support, not just medical intervention
Matt needed a full day to process his male factor diagnosis and found talking to coworkers provided no support since 'everybody I know went out, slept together one time, had a baby' - he had to find a different way to cope.
Accepting responsibility for fertility challenges, rather than dwelling on blame, opens up solutions
Matt went through memories trying to find what caused his diagnosis, but realized 'there's nothing I could do about the past. It's what do we do moving forward? That's what changed my mentality about it.'
Finding the right fertility doctor requires being willing to get multiple opinions and trust your instincts
Matt and Nicole saw four different doctors after three failed IVFs. The fourth doctor asked 'how do you guys know so much about this process?' and was 'more concerned about us than the whole process' - leading to their successful pregnancy.
Proper IVF technique with ultrasound guidance can make the difference between failure and success
Matt's first three IVF attempts used outdated methods with 'a tape measure' and no ultrasound. The successful fourth attempt used ultrasound-guided transfer where Matt filmed seeing 'this little white speck' - the embryo going in properly.
When a woman transforms her mindset, it creates a positive ripple effect that influences her partner
Matt saw Nicole wake up early for coaching calls despite never getting out of bed before 7 AM, start setting boundaries with family, and gain confidence with doctors. 'I saw the change in that and it's like, Woah. Man, made you think.'
Male pride and humility around fertility diagnoses requires conscious work to overcome
Matt identified 'the pride, the pride and humility part of it, where there can never be anything wrong with me accepting that. That was the hard part' and overcame it through distraction and physical work on house projects.
Physical distraction and project work can help process difficult fertility emotions and build resilience
Matt worked on house remodeling after 10-hour shifts, saying 'I was able to forget about everything' and realized 'you're not as good as you are, but you just keep trying' - building confidence that 'I can do this.'
Fertility journeys require both partners to become their own medical advocates rather than blindly trusting authority
Matt had unnecessary surgery where one doctor said 'You're gonna have plenty of babies' but the fertility specialist said 'that was a waste of time. Why did you even go there and do that?' This taught them to question medical authority.
Male fertility diagnoses require processing time and emotional support, not just medical intervention
▶ 3:47Accepting responsibility for fertility challenges, rather than dwelling on blame, opens up solutions
▶ 6:01Finding the right fertility doctor requires being willing to get multiple opinions and trust your instincts
▶ 26:26Proper IVF technique with ultrasound guidance can make the difference between failure and success
▶ 22:42When a woman transforms her mindset, it creates a positive ripple effect that influences her partner
▶ 11:21Male pride and humility around fertility diagnoses requires conscious work to overcome
▶ 7:55Physical distraction and project work can help process difficult fertility emotions and build resilience
▶ 8:57Fertility journeys require both partners to become their own medical advocates rather than blindly trusting authority
▶ 18:23“Men don't need to be as involved in fertility appointments and medical decisions”
CONSIDER: Men who are fully invested in the journey deserve to be present at every appointment and be equal partners in medical advocacy
“Male factor infertility is something to be ashamed of and hide from others”
CONSIDER: Male fertility challenges are more common than people think and require open communication and support
“there's nothing I could do about the past. It's what do we do moving forward? That's changed my mentality about it”
“if you have a goal, start grinding. Do whatever you gotta do to get there”
“I saw the change in that and it's like, Woah. Man, made you think and just take a step back and I go, Wow. Something's going on here. I like it”
“you gotta realize you're not alone, and people are just so scared to talk about it, but you need to get out there and talk to people about it because it's more frequent than you think”
“if you guys went through the journey that we went through to get here, you would understand. You guys would be doing this”
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Conditions
Frameworks & Methods
Your mindset determines whether you see yourself as a victim of circumstances or an empowered woman who can overcome any obstacle on your fertility journey.
Anne Marie transformed from seeing herself as a 'barren orphan' to an empowered woman who switched clinics twice, advocated for the ERA test, and ultimately conceived at 40 after 5 years of challenges including life-threatening ectopic pregnancy.
When doctors dismiss your requests for testing or treatment options, you have every right to leave and find a provider who will partner with you in your care.
Anne Marie left her first clinic when they refused the ERA test, then left her second clinic when they pushed donor eggs without trying her own eggs first. At the third clinic, she got pregnant within 6 months using her own eggs at 40.
Men experience fertility struggles differently - living in the moment of devastation rather than carrying it 24/7 like women do
Adam describes feeling devastated in moments of receiving bad news from treatment centers, but not carrying the trauma constantly like Katie did with hormones and physical treatments affecting her body daily.
Men can serve as emotional barriers, fielding questions from family and friends so their partners can focus on healing
Adam specifically describes how he told family members to come to him with questions about treatment rounds and progress, protecting Katie from triggering conversations while she focused on her body and mind.
