Rosanne delivers an emergency intervention for women facing holiday stress during their fertility journey. She provides three powerful strategies to protect your peace and create holidays that actually serve you.
Rosanne opens with the reality that holidays can be triggering during fertility journeys and introduces three powerful strategies. She emphasizes starting with what YOU want your holiday experience to be, breaking free from old patterns that no longer serve you.
The second key teaching focuses on your right to change plans, even last minute. Rosanne addresses the fear of financial penalties or inconvenience, emphasizing that your mental health is worth more than change fees or others' expectations.
The final and most crucial point challenges the martyrdom mindset. Rosanne explains why you're not responsible for others' happiness and how boundaries actually serve everyone better than self-sacrifice.
“what are the holidays gonna be about for you this year? I don't care what they've been in the past. I don't care what other people have put on you about the holidays.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 2:23
Start by deciding what the holidays will be about for you personally this year, regardless of past traditions. Remember it's never too late to change course, even with purchased tickets, and you always have permission to leave situations that feel overwhelming.
“it's never too fucking late for you to change course. I don't care if you've got tickets purchased. I don't care if there's a penalty you might pay”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 4:17
Absolutely. It's never too late to change course, even if tickets are purchased or there are penalties. A few hundred dollars in change fees means nothing compared to enduring insensitive comments and questions about your fertility journey.
“You are not responsible for other people's happiness. You aren't. I don't care who this person is.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 6:00
Remember that you're not responsible for other people's happiness. You can leave any situation where you feel you're drowning, without explanation. The adults in your life will get over your boundaries because they're responsible for their own happiness.
“Holiday joy does not require you to be a fucking martyr. You cannot give from an empty cup.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 8:24
No. Holiday joy does not require martyrdom. You cannot give from an empty cup, and being good to yourself is the foundation of being loving to others. Everyone knows the martyr who ends up hating everyone because their needs are never met.
“The people around you, they'll get over it. As adults who are also responsible for their happiness and their lives, they'll fucking get over it.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 8:44
They'll get over it. As adults who are responsible for their own happiness, they'll adjust. If they don't get over it, that says more about them than about you. You have one life—live it for yourself, not others' expectations.
“decide what are the holidays about for you this year? I don't care what they've been in the past. I don't care what other people have put on you”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 2:23
Start by deciding what the holidays will be about for you this year, regardless of past traditions or others' expectations. Upgrade old traditions to reflect your current beliefs and life stage rather than staying stuck in ruts that no longer serve you.
Three essential strategies to protect your peace and create holidays that actually serve you
Decide What Holidays Mean for You
Determine what the holidays will be about for you this year, regardless of past traditions or other people's expectations. Focus on your current beliefs and life stage.
Know You Can Change Course
Remember it's never too late to change plans, even with purchased tickets or penalties. You can also leave any situation where you feel overwhelmed, without explanation.
Release Responsibility for Others' Happiness
Recognize that you're not responsible for other people's happiness. Set boundaries without guilt, knowing that holiday joy doesn't require martyrdom.
Start with deciding what the holidays will be about for you personally, regardless of past traditions or other people's expectations
Rosanne shares from her own fertility journey how she got stuck in ruts doing what she'd always done, ending up hating a time of year that was actually special to her until she upgraded her traditions to reflect her current beliefs and life stage.
It's never too late to change course, even if tickets are purchased or there are financial penalties
A couple hundred dollars in change fees means nothing compared to festering on your uncle's couch enduring insensitive comments and questions from people who know nothing about your fertility journey.
You have permission to leave any situation where you feel you're drowning, without explanation
As a grown woman, if you arrive somewhere and things go sideways with that terrible knot in your stomach, you can just bounce—no explanations needed to anyone.
You are not responsible for other people's happiness during the holidays or any other time
Women on fertility journeys are typically type A doers and gladiators who give so much throughout the year, but without taking restorative time, they end up burnt out and hating the holidays.
Holiday joy does not require martyrdom—you cannot give from an empty cup
Everyone knows the martyr who ends up hating everyone because their needs are never met, constantly bitching and complaining—you don't want to be that person.
The people in your life will get over it when you set boundaries—they're adults responsible for their own happiness
If you decide not to go to Aunt Martha's house because you're sick of her getting drunk and causing bullshit, Aunt Martha will get over it—and if she doesn't, that says more about her than you.
When you look back at 80, you'll wish you spoke your mind and stood up for yourself, not that you martyred yourself more
People who've reached old age or faced terminal illness never tell you they wish they murdered themselves more doing stupid shit—they always say they wish they went for what they wanted.
Focus on yourself first because you are the one thing you can control on this journey
While this fertility journey touches the lives of people around you, it's still a very personal experience that must start with your own needs and decisions.
Start with deciding what the holidays will be about for you personally, regardless of past traditions or other people's expectations
▶ 2:23It's never too late to change course, even if tickets are purchased or there are financial penalties
▶ 4:17You have permission to leave any situation where you feel you're drowning, without explanation
▶ 5:07You are not responsible for other people's happiness during the holidays or any other time
▶ 6:00Holiday joy does not require martyrdom—you cannot give from an empty cup
▶ 8:14The people in your life will get over it when you set boundaries—they're adults responsible for their own happiness
▶ 8:35When you look back at 80, you'll wish you spoke your mind and stood up for yourself, not that you martyred yourself more
▶ 9:26Focus on yourself first because you are the one thing you can control on this journey
▶ 3:36“You must maintain holiday traditions and prioritize everyone else's happiness over your own”
CONSIDER: You get to decide what the holidays mean for you and create traditions that actually serve your current life stage
“Being a good person during holidays requires martyrdom and self-sacrifice”
CONSIDER: Holiday joy doesn't require martyrdom—you cannot give from an empty cup and being good to yourself is the foundation
“it's never too fucking late for you to change course. I don't care if you've got tickets purchased. I don't care if there's a penalty you might pay”
“You are not responsible for other people's happiness. You aren't. I don't care who this person is.”
“Holiday joy does not require you to be a fucking martyr. You cannot give from an empty cup.”
“You got one life, baby. You got one life.”
“what are the holidays gonna be about for you this year? I don't care what they've been in the past. I don't care what other people have put on you about the holidays.”
“As a grown ass woman, you get to change course.”
EP14: Be The Woman Who Beats The Odds
What if the secret to beating fertility odds isn't waiting for success, but allowing yourself to BE that successful woman right now?
EP350: Unknowingly Repelling Your Baby?
Are you doing all the fertility things but with the wrong energy, actually repelling the baby you're trying to attract?
EP214 Excuse Buster: Time
The biggest excuse killing your fertility dreams isn't what you think - and Rosanne's about to destroy it with surgical precision.
Successful women allow themselves to be the woman who beats the odds before it actually happens - they live their journey now in the way a woman who has beaten the odds would
Women traveling from the UK and across the US to attend Rosanne's Boise retreat exemplify this by investing in themselves, taking time off work, and prioritizing their fertility goals despite potential excuses about timing or money.
When a woman allows herself to be the woman that beats the odds, she empowers herself to transform her results through thinking differently, showing up differently, and creating new outcomes
This follows Newton's third law of motion - for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Women who booked flights and committed to the retreat had to be that woman when they said yes, which guaranteed they would actually get to Boise.
The energy behind your fertility actions matters more than the actions themselves - you can do all the right things but with fear-based energy that repels your baby
Rosanne conceived naturally at 43 after years of treatment failure by shifting her energy, noting she was more fertile in her 40s naturally with the right mindset than in her 30s with treatments.
Two people can approach IVF with completely different energy - one with excitement and opportunity, another with resentment and financial stress - creating vastly different results
Rosanne explains women with worse numbers, older age, and terrible diagnoses get pregnant naturally when their energy matches excitement and anticipation, while those in fear create fear-based results.
