Rosanne addresses the thorny question of what to do when your partner isn't pulling their weight on the fertility journey. She provides two crucial questions to ask: Do they actually want to have a baby with you? And is there another way to address the problem that honors their personality and values?
Rosanne introduces two fundamental questions that cut through relationship confusion on the fertility journey. First, you need to determine if your partner actually wants to have a baby with you by watching their actions, not just their words. Second, you must explore whether there are alternative approaches that honor both your commitment and their personality.
Sometimes partners say they want a baby but consistently avoid doing necessary things or create barriers. Rosanne explains that this behavior is communicating something important about their true commitment level, and you need to pay attention to what they're actually telling you through their actions.
Just because your partner isn't as militaristic about fertility protocols doesn't mean they're less committed. Rosanne shares insights from coaching women for almost eight years, noting that fertility success comes more from joy and self-love than extreme restrictions, and that partners may resist approaches that eliminate everything they value.
Rosanne provides specific scripts for approaching these difficult conversations from a place of love rather than confrontation. The goal is to find truth and create space for both partners to be heard and understood, rather than making anyone wrong or trying to force agreement.
“And then they tell you that they don't wanna do IVF. Baby girl, they're saying something. They're saying something. You can't get around it.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 7:35
Ask them directly: 'Do you actually want to have a baby with me?' If they're refusing necessary treatment like IVF when it's clearly needed, they're communicating something important about their commitment level.
“I love you. I really wanna have this baby. I wanna know if you wanna have this baby too. Because there's gonna be certain things that we need to do based on our circumstances, our unique situation that we're gonna need to address, and it's not helping us to not do those things.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 10:09
Approach with love, not accusation. Say something like: 'I love you, I really want to have this baby, I want to know if you want to have this baby too. There are things we need to do based on our circumstances, and it's not helping us to not do those things.'
“Just because your partner isn't as militaristic as you doesn't mean they're any less committed.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 15:37
Yes, absolutely. Just because your partner isn't as militaristic about fertility protocols doesn't mean they're less committed. They may prefer a different approach that honors their personality and values.
“Is there another way to help you accomplish a goal that might be more palatable to your partner and honors their individuality, honors their personality, and honors their fucking values?”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 15:57
Ask if there's another way to address health optimization that takes their interests into account. They may see you suffering with extreme restrictions and not want to get on that 'sinking ship' - there could be a middle ground approach.
“People can talk a big game. People can say all kinds of crazy shit that they want. Oh, yeah. I wanna do this. Oh, yeah. I don't wanna do that. But they don't end up doing the thing that they need to do.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 9:29
Watch their actions, not just their words. If they consistently avoid doing necessary things or create unnecessary barriers despite saying they want a baby, pay attention to what their behavior is actually communicating.
“Don't use a standard that you would use for measuring yourself on your partner because you are two very different people.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 18:21
No. Don't use the standard you would use for measuring yourself on your partner because you are two very different people. Honor each other's uniqueness while working toward the same goal.
A step-by-step approach to addressing partner commitment issues with love rather than confrontation
Ask the first question
Approach with love and ask: 'Do you actually want to have a baby with me?' Watch their response and follow-through behavior, not just their words.
Ask the second question
If they do want a baby, ask: 'Is there another way for us to accomplish this goal that takes your interests and concerns into account?'
Listen without judgment
Be open to their perspective and proposed solutions. They may have valid concerns about your approach or prefer a different method.
Find middle ground
Honor both of your personalities and values while working toward the same goal, rather than insisting they do everything exactly your way.
When your partner isn't doing their part, ask two critical questions: Do they actually want to have a baby with you? And is there another way to address the problem that honors their personality?
Rosanne developed this framework from coaching women for almost 8 years and seeing partners who appeared uncommitted but were actually just approaching fertility differently than their type-A partners.
People can talk a big game about wanting a baby, but if they're not doing the necessary actions or creating unnecessary barriers, you need to pay close attention to what they're actually communicating
Rosanne gives the example of when IVF is clearly needed due to missing tubes or male factor issues, but a partner refuses to do IVF - this behavior is saying something important about their actual commitment.
Just because your partner isn't as militaristic as you about fertility protocols doesn't mean they're any less committed - they may just not want to do it your way
Rosanne shares her husband's example of loving cookies and milk, noting there was no way she would ask him to give that up, and that extreme dietary restrictions aren't always necessary for fertility success.
Don't use the standard you would use for measuring yourself on your partner because you are two very different people
Rosanne explains that type-A control freak professional women are often paired with much more mellow partners, and trying to impose the same extreme approach on both people creates unnecessary conflict.
From coaching women to fertility success for almost eight years, the consistent factor isn't extreme diets but when women bring joy back, love themselves, get into healthy relationships, and allow themselves to receive
Rosanne references watching women's faces in YouTube videos and podcast interviews, noting that fertility success comes from joy and self-love rather than eliminating dairy from their diet.
When you really love someone, you set them free - if they don't want to have a baby with you, you don't want to have a baby with them
Rosanne quotes Sting and explains this is about being a good mom and finding a parent you can co-parent with, emphasizing it's about your family's wellbeing.
Ask these questions not in an accusatory way but from love: 'I love you, I really want to have this baby, I want to know if you want to have this baby too'
Rosanne provides the exact script for having this conversation, emphasizing that when delivered with love rather than confrontation, it's about finding truth rather than making anyone wrong.
Use this time while trying to conceive to find new and better ways to communicate because once your baby is born, you're not going to parent the same way
Rosanne explains that learning to navigate differences now prepares couples for the reality that they won't agree on everything in parenting, making this fertility journey practice for future cooperation.
When your partner isn't doing their part, ask two critical questions: Do they actually want to have a baby with you? And is there another way to address the problem that honors their personality?
▶ 5:00People can talk a big game about wanting a baby, but if they're not doing the necessary actions or creating unnecessary barriers, you need to pay close attention to what they're actually communicating
▶ 7:35Just because your partner isn't as militaristic as you about fertility protocols doesn't mean they're any less committed - they may just not want to do it your way
▶ 14:16Don't use the standard you would use for measuring yourself on your partner because you are two very different people
▶ 18:21From coaching women to fertility success for almost eight years, the consistent factor isn't extreme diets but when women bring joy back, love themselves, get into healthy relationships, and allow themselves to receive
▶ 16:39When you really love someone, you set them free - if they don't want to have a baby with you, you don't want to have a baby with them
▶ 12:53Ask these questions not in an accusatory way but from love: 'I love you, I really want to have this baby, I want to know if you want to have this baby too'
▶ 10:09Use this time while trying to conceive to find new and better ways to communicate because once your baby is born, you're not going to parent the same way
▶ 18:42“If your partner isn't following the same extreme fertility protocols as you, they're not committed to having a baby”
CONSIDER: Your partner may be just as committed but prefer a different approach that honors their personality and values rather than your militaristic style
“Both partners must sacrifice everything they love to show commitment to having a baby”
CONSIDER: There's more than one way to optimize health and fertility that doesn't require giving up everything meaningful to your partner
“And then they tell you that they don't wanna do IVF. Baby girl, they're saying something. They're saying something. You can't get around it.”
“When you really love someone, you set them free. Because if they don't wanna have a baby with you, you don't wanna have a baby with them.”
“Just because your partner isn't as militaristic as you doesn't mean they're any less committed.”
“People can talk a big game. People can say all kinds of crazy shit that they want. But they don't end up doing the thing that they need to do.”
“Don't use a standard that you would use for measuring yourself on your partner because you are two very different people.”
“It's gonna be such a better experience when you get there hand in hand than one of you dragging the other, kicking and screaming.”
EP340: Fertile Miracle Papa Adam: From Losing Their "Only Chance" At A Baby, To Pregnant NATURALLY
A British papa reveals what it's really like watching your partner suffer through fertility treatments - and how they found their miracle after losing their 'only chance.'
EP170 From “Toxic” To Santorini Miracle Mama: Alina’s Story
How a woman who called herself 'toxic' beat PCOS, endometriosis, and low AMH to conceive naturally on vacation in Santorini just weeks after transforming her mindset.
EP150 The MD Who Traded Misery For Joy Became “Mama Mariéve”
The MD who went skiing and had a beer the day after her transfer — and why that mindset shift changed everything.
Conditions
Frameworks & Methods
Men experience fertility struggles differently - living in the moment of devastation rather than carrying it 24/7 like women do
Adam describes feeling devastated in moments of receiving bad news from treatment centers, but not carrying the trauma constantly like Katie did with hormones and physical treatments affecting her body daily.
Men can serve as emotional barriers, fielding questions from family and friends so their partners can focus on healing
Adam specifically describes how he told family members to come to him with questions about treatment rounds and progress, protecting Katie from triggering conversations while she focused on her body and mind.
Toxic behavior patterns from childhood can block fertility by creating an emotional state that repels what you want most
Alina called herself 'toxic' - judgmental, criticizing, demanding perfection - patterns learned from parents who fought constantly. After healing these patterns through mindset work, she conceived naturally at 40 despite PCOS, endometriosis, and being told IVF was her only option.
What you learn about motherhood from your mother's experience becomes your unconscious blueprint for fertility
When Alina wrote down what she learned about motherhood from her mother, it was three pages of nothing positive - only stories of painful labor, suffering, and struggle. This created an unconscious equation of motherhood with suffering that blocked her fertility until she rewrote her story.
