Dr. Mariève, an emergency medicine physician from Quebec, shares her journey from four failed IVF transfers and a miscarriage to conceiving her son. After hitting rock bottom with the 'normal' embryo failure, she transformed her approach from being a 'slave' to treatment to treating herself like a queen, going skiing the day after her successful transfer.
MarièveAge 36· IVF· Baby boyBefore
Angry, constantly fighting life, felt like a slave to treatment, had lost herself completely for two years
Key Shift
Decided to treat herself like a queen, went back to skiing and activities she loved, shifted from being treatment slave to being in control
After
Glowing, happiest she'd been in years even after miscarriage, back to being herself as active physician
Dr. Mariève shares how her medical background initially seemed like an advantage but became a hindrance. As an emergency medicine physician, she tried to control her treatment, but success came when she learned to be a patient instead of a co-doctor. Her partner's severe male factor infertility with Y-chromosome microdeletions meant IVF was their only option.
Despite being told their case was 'easy to solve,' Mariève endured four failed transfers including one with a genetically normal embryo. The pandemic added a six-month delay, and by the fourth failure, she was researching surrogacy. She describes feeling like a 'slave' to treatment, constantly angry and having lost herself completely.
Working with Rosanne's program, Mariève shifted from being controlled by treatment to taking control of her experience. She decided to treat herself like a queen, went on a dream ski trip before her cycle, and approached treatment with joy. Her final stimulation cycle produced five embryos compared to 2-3 in previous cycles.
The transfer that worked was completely different from her previous restricted approaches. Mariève went skiing and had a beer the day after transfer, got facials, and lived luxuriously. She trusted her body and her baby, leading to conception with what was considered a 'poor quality' day-6 embryo.
“I decided to treat myself like a queen. I would live it luxuriously... The day after my transfer, I went skiing. I was like, if he wants to stick, I need to show him how fun it is to be living with us.”
— Mariève▶ 21:42
Yes, you can and should live normally during IVF. The key is making treatment livable rather than being a slave to it, which actually improves your chances of success by reducing stress and maintaining your identity.
“Look at what needs to shift in your approach first — often it's mindset, not medicine, that needs to change.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 12:32
After multiple IVF failures, look at what needs to shift in your approach rather than jumping to extreme measures. Often it's mindset and how you're living the process, not the medicine, that needs to change.
“Infertility gets so big. It's huge. It brings so many emotions, but you need to just see the big picture and be yourself.”
— Mariève▶ 29:45
Focus on making treatment livable rather than perfect. Remember you're still a whole person beyond fertility - a wife, friend, professional. Do activities you love and treat yourself well throughout the process.
“The day after my transfer, I went skiing... I was like, if he wants to stick, I need to show him how fun it is to be living with us. So I went skiing, doing spring skiing, bumps, and slush.”
— Mariève▶ 22:24
Physical activity like skiing doesn't prevent implantation when done mindfully. The key is listening to your body and doing what feels right rather than restricting yourself out of fear.
“I think I just needed to be patient and survive the process... when we say surviving, it's a bit negative. But what I mean is I just needed to go through the process and to go through it. Why not do it with fun?”
— Mariève▶ 25:59
While medical factors matter, mindset and stress play huge roles in repeated IVF failure. Being a 'slave' to treatment and losing yourself in the process can impact success rates.
“The minute I'm getting anxious about something, a test or whatever, I'm like, no. Now you have neck down. Your baby's here. You feel it moving. He's here.”
— Mariève▶ 38:42
Use techniques like 'neck down' awareness to connect with your body's signals. Trust what you're feeling physically and emotionally rather than overthinking every symptom or procedure.
“I was angry. I was like, just do the transfer. Just give me the normal embryo... I was constantly fighting life. This is how I felt. I was mad.”
— Mariève▶ 11:42
Yes, anger during fertility treatment is normal, but staying in that state long-term can sabotage success. The key is processing the anger and finding ways to reclaim joy and your identity.
“He was like, okay, Maya. Stop. You're not a doctor. You're a patient. And it helped me a lot.”
— Mariève▶ 9:18
Physician patients need clear boundaries - they should be patients, not co-doctors. Having a physician who takes control and doesn't let the patient lead medical decisions often improves outcomes.
You don't have to be a slave to your fertility treatment — you can treat yourself like a queen and still conceive
Dr. Mariève went skiing and had a beer the day after her successful transfer, completely opposite to her previous restricted cycles, and conceived her son at 36 after four failed transfers.
Making treatment livable is key to lasting long enough for success — if you're miserable, you'll quit before your breakthrough
Dr. Mariève nearly stopped after her fourth transfer failure with a genetically normal embryo, but learning to have joy during treatment gave her the resilience to continue to her successful fifth transfer.
There is miraculous power in a woman making a decision — when you decide your treatment will work, everything shifts
Dr. Mariève decided her fourth cycle would work, took a ski trip before starting, and produced five embryos compared to only 2-3 in previous cycles. She conceived on the fresh transfer.
You need to show your baby who you are — let them feel what it's like to live with you
Dr. Mariève went skiing the day after transfer thinking 'if he wants to stick, I need to show him how fun it is to be living with us' — and conceived her son on that cycle.
Infertility gets so big it takes over your whole identity, but you need to remember you're still a wife, friend, sister — someone else
Dr. Mariève realized she had become only a fertility patient for two years, losing herself completely. When she reclaimed her identity as an active physician who loves skiing, she conceived within months.
When you see all the good things you already have, you stop focusing on what you lack and your baby comes when they're ready
Dr. Mariève's main goal was becoming more grateful. Even after her miscarriage, she was happier than she'd been in two years because she could see her great life again, then conceived shortly after.
As a physician, you cannot be the doctor treating yourself — you must become the patient and let your doctor lead
Dr. Mariève's first doctor let her call the shots which hurt her success. When she switched to a doctor who said 'you're not a doctor, you're a patient,' everything improved and she conceived.
Joy on this journey breeds resilience — that's how you put one foot in front of the other long enough for success
Dr. Mariève went from nearly quitting after four failures to having the resilience to continue because she found her joy again, leading to conception on her fifth transfer.
Trust your baby even through pregnancy complications — they're telling you they want to hold on
Dr. Mariève had bleeding early in pregnancy but trusted her baby was there to stay. She used the 'neck down' technique and trusted her body's signals, carrying to 39 weeks.
Two things can be true at the same time — you can want your baby desperately AND live a full, joyful life
Dr. Mariève exemplified 'Yes, and' — Yes I want this baby, and I'm going to ski, have beer, get facials, and live fully. This approach led to conception after four failures.
You don't have to be a slave to your fertility treatment — you can treat yourself like a queen and still conceive
▶ 22:24Making treatment livable is key to lasting long enough for success — if you're miserable, you'll quit before your breakthrough
▶ 27:42There is miraculous power in a woman making a decision — when you decide your treatment will work, everything shifts
▶ 2:56You need to show your baby who you are — let them feel what it's like to live with you
▶ 22:24Infertility gets so big it takes over your whole identity, but you need to remember you're still a wife, friend, sister — someone else
▶ 29:45When you see all the good things you already have, you stop focusing on what you lack and your baby comes when they're ready
▶ 30:18As a physician, you cannot be the doctor treating yourself — you must become the patient and let your doctor lead
▶ 9:08Joy on this journey breeds resilience — that's how you put one foot in front of the other long enough for success
▶ 37:41Trust your baby even through pregnancy complications — they're telling you they want to hold on
▶ 38:02Two things can be true at the same time — you can want your baby desperately AND live a full, joyful life
▶ 39:56“Being committed to having a baby means grinding yourself down, torturing yourself, and depriving yourself of joy”
CONSIDER: True commitment means making treatment livable so you can last long enough for success, treating yourself like a queen throughout
“After transfer, you must be careful and restrict activities to help the embryo stick”
CONSIDER: Show your baby who you are — let them feel what it's like to live with you by doing what brings you joy
“Multiple IVF failures mean you should consider extreme measures like surrogacy”
CONSIDER: Look at what needs to shift in your approach first — often it's mindset, not medicine, that needs to change
“There is miraculous power in a woman making a decision.”
“I decided to treat myself like a queen. I would live it luxuriously.”
“If he wants to stick, I need to show him how fun it is to be living with us.”
“You need to be yourself in the process, and this is the key that I wish I would have known at first.”
“Joy on this journey breeds resilience.”
“Two things can be true at the same time. You can want your baby desperately AND live a full, joyful life.”
“Infertility gets so big. It's huge. It brings so many emotions, but you need to just see the big picture and be yourself.”
EP349: From No "Normal" Embryos with IVF to Pregnant Naturally In Her 40s: Liz's Story
From no normal embryos through IVF to pregnant naturally at 42 — Liz's story proves that sometimes the biggest breakthrough comes when you finally trust yourself.
EP268 From Devastation to A Fertility “Fairytale” Ending She Thought Was Impossible: Katy’s Story
How a woman who carried limiting beliefs for 20 years transformed her mindset and conceived naturally at 41 after multiple losses and IVF failures.
EP328: From Thinking IVF Was the ONLY Way to Getting and Staying Pregnant Naturally After 5 Years: Melisa's Story
How one woman went from 5 failed IVF cycles and being told natural conception was impossible to getting pregnant naturally at 39 — just 2 months after completing the Fearlessly Fertile Method.
Worthiness issues from earlier relationships directly impact fertility journey outcomes and decision-making patterns.
Liz spent 10 years in an unhealthy relationship telling herself she didn't want kids rather than facing the reality, then ghosted her future husband because she couldn't believe he liked her for who she was. These same worthiness patterns showed up as immediately running to IVF after one miscarriage at 41.
The way you do one thing is the way you do everything - relationship patterns will show up in your fertility journey.
Liz's pattern of feeling unworthy in her relationship (ghosting her husband because she couldn't believe he liked her) directly translated to feeling inadequate about conceiving and immediately seeking medical intervention after one miscarriage instead of trusting her body.
Limiting beliefs about fertility can persist for decades without any medical evidence and become self-fulfilling prophecies
Katie carried the belief 'there's something wrong, you can't have a baby' for 20 years starting from her teens, despite never attempting to conceive or having any medical tests to support this belief
Your desire speaking louder than fear in pivotal moments reveals your inner truth
When told 'this might be your only chance' after Katie's second trimester loss, her immediate internal response was 'fuck that' - her desire refusing to accept limitation
