Suzanne and Bevan from Singapore share their journey of beating recurrent treatment failure and loss together. After PCOS diagnosis, repeated IVF failures, 5 miscarriages, and having to travel between countries for treatment, they transformed from being passengers to taking control of their fertility journey and welcomed their baby boy in May 2020.
Suzanne· IVF· Baby boyBefore
Feeling like a passenger on her journey, devastated and fragile after 5 miscarriages and repeated treatment failures
Key Shift
Stopped being a passenger and took control by building a comprehensive team, researching treatments, and advocating with her doctor
After
Confident and in control, working collaboratively with her medical team and open to multiple paths to parenthood
Suzanne and Bevan's fertility journey started in 2015 with a PCOS diagnosis and an early loss at 7 weeks. After initially struggling with unhelpful doctors, they found success with their first child using fertility medication and injectables.
When trying for their second child, the couple endured a brutal 2-year journey including 3 IUIs, 2 egg retrievals across Singapore and Malaysia, 5 embryo transfers, and 4 miscarriages in 2018 alone. Despite PGS testing, their fourth transfer failed completely.
After finding Rosanne's podcast, Suzanne shifted from being a passive patient to actively advocating for her care. She built a comprehensive team, researched treatments, and collaborated with a new doctor on her own treatment plan.
With backup plans in place and a clear vision, Suzanne approached her fifth transfer with confidence and calm. After taking a strategic 6-month break and implementing her researched treatment plan, they welcomed their baby boy in May 2020.
“I recognized that I needed something more to get to my end goal, and I was just feeling incredibly lost in a very low ebb.”
— Suzanne▶ 11:00
Stop being a passenger and take control by building your own medical team, researching treatments, and collaborating with doctors on your care plan. Suzanne overcame 5 miscarriages by advocating for herself and creating a comprehensive support team.
“Every time we step foot in that clinic, my heart sang after after twenty eighteen. His clinic was just like the place where we got bad news.”
— Suzanne▶ 24:00
Yes, if the relationship no longer serves your mental health. Sometimes it's not about medical competence but about what works for your emotional state. Suzanne changed doctors even though her first doctor helped her conceive her daughter.
“I and I remember thinking at the time when, you know, when it finally did happen and I was enacting what we with a visualization that we discussed. And I was just like, wow. Like, this this is just so powerful.”
— Suzanne▶ 33:00
Clear visualization creates laser focus and helps manifest real results. Suzanne visualized herself in yoga pants walking her daughter to school while pregnant, and this exact scenario played out in real life when she finally succeeded.
“I don't think you get it at first, really. I kinda thought, well, is this just Sue being a little bit negative on the situation?”
— Bevan▶ 12:30
It often takes time for men to understand how all-consuming fertility struggles become. Partners should give each other slack during this difficult time and try to understand the magnitude of the situation.
“I think having that break was also really, really important even though at the time, I absolutely didn't really wanna do it.”
— Suzanne▶ 46:00
When you've been cycling continuously and feeling overwhelmed, strategic breaks can be more productive than constant treatment. Suzanne took a 6-month break after doing something every month, had her happiest period, and succeeded on the transfer after the break.
“I would challenge one thing that you said, Suzanne, and it's this. You said there's no silver bullet, but you actually proved that there was and that was you.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 39:00
You are the silver bullet - your mindset, advocacy, and comprehensive approach create success, not any single treatment. Taking ownership of your journey and building the right team makes the difference.
Transform from passive patient to active advocate by taking control of your treatment and building your support team
Research your specific situation
Deep dive into your diagnosis and treatment options, just like you would for any other important health issue
Build your bump squad
Assemble a team of specialists including naturopath, acupuncturist, counselor, and fertility-focused practitioners
Advocate with your doctor
Bring your research to appointments and collaborate on treatment plans rather than passively accepting recommendations
Evaluate your medical team
Change providers if the relationship no longer serves your mental health, even if they've helped you before
Get clear on your vision
Visualize your end goal and remain open to multiple paths to achieve it, including alternative options like surrogacy or adoption
Stop being a passenger on your fertility journey and take control by building your own treatment team
Suzanne went from passively accepting doctor recommendations to researching recurrent loss treatments, bringing a list to her new doctor, and collaborating on her own treatment plan. Her doctor told her at delivery: 'This baby is here because of you. You came up with your own treatment plan.'
When you're clear about your vision and open to different paths, you naturally relax because you know you'll figure it out
Suzanne and Bevan explored surrogacy and adoption as backup plans, which allowed them to go into their fifth transfer relaxed, saying 'this is it, and that's okay if it's it.' That transfer resulted in their baby boy after 4+ years of trying.
Visualization creates laser focus and manifests real results when you get crystal clear about what you want
Suzanne visualized herself in yoga pants walking her daughter to school while pregnant. During the pandemic, working from home, she enacted this exact scenario in real life when it finally happened, saying 'this is just so powerful.'
You were the silver bullet on your fertility journey - not any single treatment or intervention
When Suzanne said there's no silver bullet in fertility, Rosanne challenged her: 'You actually proved that there was and that was you.' Suzanne had taken control, built her team, and created her own treatment plan.
Ask yourself: if this was your existing child's health, would you sit quietly and nod, or would you research every angle?
This analogy helped Suzanne realize she'd been treating fertility like a passenger instead of an advocate. She then researched recurrent loss treatments and brought a comprehensive list to discuss with her new doctor.
Sometimes changing doctors isn't about medical competence - it's about what works for your mental state
Suzanne's first doctor helped them conceive their daughter but their relationship broke down after repeated losses. She said 'every time I step foot in that clinic, my heart sank' and they 'hated going' because it became 'the place where we got bad news.'
Taking strategic breaks from treatment can be more productive than constant cycling
After doing something every month in 2018, Suzanne took a 6-month break between March and September 2019. During this break, they had their happiest period and took a rejuvenating Italy vacation. The September transfer after the break resulted in their baby boy.
Male partners often don't understand the magnitude of fertility struggles until they see how all-consuming it becomes
Bevan admitted: 'I don't think you get it at first. I kinda thought, well, is this just Sue being a little bit negative?' He said it took a long time to realize 'how all consuming it was' and that 'it affects everything - your relationship, work, financial situation.'
Stop being a passenger on your fertility journey and take control by building your own treatment team
▶ 28:00When you're clear about your vision and open to different paths, you naturally relax because you know you'll figure it out
▶ 32:00Visualization creates laser focus and manifests real results when you get crystal clear about what you want
▶ 30:00You were the silver bullet on your fertility journey - not any single treatment or intervention
▶ 39:00Ask yourself: if this was your existing child's health, would you sit quietly and nod, or would you research every angle?
▶ 28:00Sometimes changing doctors isn't about medical competence - it's about what works for your mental state
▶ 24:00Taking strategic breaks from treatment can be more productive than constant cycling
▶ 46:00Male partners often don't understand the magnitude of fertility struggles until they see how all-consuming it becomes
▶ 12:30“You should trust your doctor's expertise and follow their recommendations without question”
CONSIDER: You need to be an advocate and collaborator in your own care, bringing research and asking for what you need
“There's a silver bullet treatment that will solve your fertility issues”
CONSIDER: You are the silver bullet - your mindset, advocacy, and comprehensive approach create success
“You should never give up hope or consider alternative paths to parenthood”
CONSIDER: Getting clear on multiple paths to your goal actually creates the relaxation that allows success
“I would challenge one thing that you said, Suzanne, and it's this. You said there's no silver bullet, but you actually proved that there was and that was you.”
“This baby is here because of you. You came up with your own treatment plan. This baby wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her.”
“Why are you being a passenger on this journey? If this was Ayrra's health, would you just sit there quietly and nod your head?”
“Every time I step foot in that clinic, my heart sank after twenty eighteen. His clinic was just like the place where we got bad news.”
“I don't think you get it at first, really. I kinda thought, well, is this just Sue being a little bit negative on the situation?”
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Conditions
Frameworks & Methods
Common Beliefs
Where you spend your mental energy is what you manifest in your life - focusing on what you don't want brings more of what you don't want
Dr. Caroline spent mental energy worrying about needing IVF and having problems, and that's exactly what manifested in her life. When she shifted to focusing on success, she achieved two pregnancies.
Taking the 30,000 foot view and telling yourself your true story reveals stress patterns you couldn't see while living them
Dr. Caroline realized she went 'zero to sixty on stress' - starting to try while living on different coasts, during residency, with constant travel - but didn't recognize the stress in the moment.
The fertility journey can be a catalyst for complete life transformation if you allow it to wake you up to an entirely different way of living
Lavinia spent 10 years on her fertility journey from age 33-43, transforming from someone living in victim mentality to an empowered woman who now coaches other women through fertility struggles.
You can meditate all day, but if you don't change the underlying belief system that's causing you to be stuck in worst-case scenario thinking, meditation alone won't create the transformation you need
Lavinia tried meditation and felt better physically but still had racing thoughts about 'what if I transfer and it doesn't work' until she addressed her limiting beliefs through mindset work.
