In this Fertility Fast Facts episode, Rosanne reveals how all the rules governing when, how, and what you deserve in life are completely made up - and how challenging these inherited beliefs is essential for fertility success. She breaks down four key areas where women unknowingly sabotage themselves with arbitrary rules about timing, worthiness, and who they're supposed to be.
Rosanne explains how accomplished women often struggle because they expect fertility to work like the education system - follow the rules, get the result. But fertility doesn't operate on this linear model, requiring a fundamental shift in approach for success.
She breaks down the key rule areas that sabotage fertility: when things should happen, how they should unfold, what constitutes 'too much,' and what you deserve. Each category represents inherited beliefs that women rarely challenge but must rewrite for fertility success.
Rosanne delivers a fierce teaching on how being 'nice' undermines fertility success through weak boundaries and people-pleasing. She explains why women must reject social obligations that drain energy needed for their fertility journey.
The episode concludes with an empowering call to conscious rule-creation, where women become the authority in their own lives. This shift allows your baby to hear you and enables the outlier thinking required to beat the fertility odds.
“You could follow all the rules and not have a baby in your arms. So this is exactly why smart women are going to be exploring this topic because you have to change the rules.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 6:21
Unlike the linear education system where following rules guarantees results, fertility doesn't work that way. You can do all the treatments, diets, and protocols perfectly and still not get pregnant because success requires more than just rule-following.
“Every single one of us was raised in a culture, religion, family structure, societal setup that led us to believe certain things. And so we grow up and we have this set of rules that we very rarely challenge into adulthood.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 2:44
All the rules about when you should have babies, how it should happen, what you deserve, and who you have to be come from culture, family, and society - not objective truth. Since they're human constructs, you can consciously choose new rules that actually work for your unique situation.
“Being nice is a con job that has been perpetrated upon women all over the world regardless of language and culture. The idea that we're supposed to be nice is a judgment by somebody else that's usually benefiting from our lack of boundaries.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 21:01
Being 'nice' often means having weak boundaries and putting everyone else's needs first. This drains the energy you need for your fertility journey and keeps you from advocating for yourself, choosing your medical team, or setting limits on social obligations that don't serve you.
“If you are laboring under rules that say you are too late, you are too old, it's over for you, how's that working for you? Especially on this journey.”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 9:09
Many successful women feel 'too late' or 'behind' because they followed rules about building career first. But these timing rules are arbitrary - career-focused women in their 40s are actually at the perfect time in their lives for motherhood, with resources and wisdom they didn't have earlier.
“Conceiving is all about receiving. People who have a poverty mindset tend to be the worst receivers. Conceiving is all about receiving. See why you might be struggling with that?”
— Rosanne Austin▶ 16:58
Many women have internalized rules that they don't deserve good care, investment in their dreams, or multiple good things simultaneously. Since conception is about receiving, these deservingness blocks directly impact fertility by limiting what you allow yourself to receive.
A framework for identifying and changing inherited rules that sabotage fertility success
Examine timing rules
Question beliefs about when things are 'supposed' to happen and recognize that your current timing may be perfect for your unique situation
Challenge 'how' expectations
Release rigid ideas about the order things must happen and embrace that your path may look different from conventional expectations
Redefine 'too much'
Recognize that rules about wanting too much often come from others' scarcity mindset, not your reality as a conscious creator
Upgrade deservingness beliefs
Consciously choose new rules about what you deserve as an educated, accomplished woman rather than living by childhood limitations
Set conscious boundaries
Decide who you want to be in relationships based on your values, not inherited roles or the pressure to be 'nice'
Rules about when things are supposed to happen are completely made up and often sabotage women who focused on career first
Many successful women struggle because they followed rules saying marriage and babies should happen in their twenties, but they were building careers through their thirties instead.
Rules about how things are supposed to happen keep women waiting for the 'perfect time' that never comes
Women in their forties think everything should have happened in order - college, love, marriage, baby - but what if right now is the perfect time regardless of the sequence.
Rules about what's 'too much' often come from other people's judgments and keep women accepting less than they deserve
Women question wanting career, love, professional achievements, babies, wealth and travel simultaneously because someone else's rules say that's too much, when those rules are based on scarcity mindset.
Conceiving is all about receiving, and women with poverty mindset tend to be the worst receivers
This connects to the previous episode on poverty vs abundance mindset - if you don't believe you deserve good care or investment in your dreams, you limit your ability to conceive.
Being 'nice' is a massive con job that keeps women trapped with weak boundaries and benefits others at their expense
The nicest people typically have the weakest boundaries, and those calling you nice often benefit from your misery and lack of boundaries on the fertility journey.
You don't have to return every text, update everyone on your fertility journey, or accept every baby shower invitation
All social obligations during fertility struggles are made-up rules that women follow out of niceness, but these drain energy needed for their own journey.
You can't beat the odds by staying in the same place you were last year - breaking rules is required for outlier success
Rosanne conceived naturally at 43 after years of treatment failure by breaking conventional rules, and her method has helped women worldwide make seemingly impossible outcomes possible.
Following all the rules doesn't guarantee a baby in your arms, unlike the linear education system model
Smart women expect fertility to work like school - do homework, get good grades, graduate - but you can follow all fertility rules and treatments and still not conceive.
Your baby can really hear you when you ask 'What do I want here?' and live by rules you consciously choose
When women stop living by inherited rules and become the authority in their own lives, they can hear their own voice of truth saying their maternal desire was meant for them.
Rules about when things are supposed to happen are completely made up and often sabotage women who focused on career first
▶ 7:27Rules about how things are supposed to happen keep women waiting for the 'perfect time' that never comes
▶ 10:33Rules about what's 'too much' often come from other people's judgments and keep women accepting less than they deserve
▶ 13:49Conceiving is all about receiving, and women with poverty mindset tend to be the worst receivers
▶ 16:58Being 'nice' is a massive con job that keeps women trapped with weak boundaries and benefits others at their expense
▶ 20:41You don't have to return every text, update everyone on your fertility journey, or accept every baby shower invitation
▶ 22:33You can't beat the odds by staying in the same place you were last year - breaking rules is required for outlier success
▶ 25:21Following all the rules doesn't guarantee a baby in your arms, unlike the linear education system model
▶ 6:09Your baby can really hear you when you ask 'What do I want here?' and live by rules you consciously choose
▶ 24:49“There's a right time and order for life events - marriage, then babies, all in your twenties”
CONSIDER: Right now is the perfect time in your life to have a baby, regardless of sequence or age
“Wanting career, love, wealth, babies and travel simultaneously is too much”
CONSIDER: Those 'too much' rules come from scarcity mindset and others' judgments, not your reality as a conscious creator
“You have to be nice, return every text, and attend every baby shower”
CONSIDER: Being nice is a con that benefits others at your expense - you get to choose your boundaries
“Following all fertility rules and treatments will eventually lead to success”
CONSIDER: You can't beat the odds by doing what everyone else does - rule-breaking is required for outlier results
“Your rules are one hundred percent made up. And chances are they aren't even yours. They're somebody else gave them to you. So it's time for a massive upgrade.”
“You can't beat the odds by finding yourself in the same place you were last year. If you want to beat the odds, you have to be willing to break the fucking rules.”
“Being nice is a massive con. It is a massive con job that has been perpetrated upon women all over the world regardless of language and culture.”
“Conceiving is all about receiving. People who have a poverty mindset tend to be the worst receivers. Conceiving is all about receiving.”
“The best question ever is what do I want here? What are the rules that I choose to live by? That is when your baby can really hear you.”
“You could follow all the rules and not have a baby in your arms. So this is exactly why smart women are going to be exploring this topic because you have to change the rules.”
EP73 A Miracle, 5 Years In the Making
How a woman went from a near-death ectopic pregnancy and seeing herself as a 'barren orphan' to conceiving at 40 after 5 years of setbacks.
EP268 From Devastation to A Fertility “Fairytale” Ending She Thought Was Impossible: Katy’s Story
How a woman who carried limiting beliefs for 20 years transformed her mindset and conceived naturally at 41 after multiple losses and IVF failures.
EP134 Lack & Scarcity: Change It
The real reason lack and scarcity thinking keeps you stuck isn't what you think—it's all about whether you believe you're worth fighting for.
Conditions
Frameworks & Methods
Common Beliefs
Your mindset determines whether you see yourself as a victim of circumstances or an empowered woman who can overcome any obstacle on your fertility journey.
Anne Marie transformed from seeing herself as a 'barren orphan' to an empowered woman who switched clinics twice, advocated for the ERA test, and ultimately conceived at 40 after 5 years of challenges including life-threatening ectopic pregnancy.
When doctors dismiss your requests for testing or treatment options, you have every right to leave and find a provider who will partner with you in your care.
Anne Marie left her first clinic when they refused the ERA test, then left her second clinic when they pushed donor eggs without trying her own eggs first. At the third clinic, she got pregnant within 6 months using her own eggs at 40.
Limiting beliefs about fertility can persist for decades without any medical evidence and become self-fulfilling prophecies
Katie carried the belief 'there's something wrong, you can't have a baby' for 20 years starting from her teens, despite never attempting to conceive or having any medical tests to support this belief
Your desire speaking louder than fear in pivotal moments reveals your inner truth
When told 'this might be your only chance' after Katie's second trimester loss, her immediate internal response was 'fuck that' - her desire refusing to accept limitation
