Surgery

Men often focus on what they'll lose by having a baby rather than what the family will gain, which creates resistance and delays starting the fertility journey

Jon delayed trying for two years because he focused on loss of sleep, complications with existing children, and added stress rather than considering what a baby would bring to their blended family.

The guilt and blame cycle between partners can shut down communication and support, making men withdraw when they need to show up most

Jon describes how monthly blame cycles made him 'dress in kevlar and put shutters up' because he felt under attack for delaying their journey, which prevented him from being supportive when Kirsty needed him most.

Men can be powerful advocates and protectors during fertility treatment by speaking up when their partners can't advocate for themselves

Jon stood up to a dismissive fertility doctor who was rushing Kirsty through a procedure, telling the medical team they would proceed on their timeline, not the clinic's timeline.

Small acts of support and repeatedly asking how to help can make huge differences for women on fertility journeys, even when they initially refuse help

Jon's simple acts like making difficult phone calls to fertility clinics and advocating during medical appointments became 'one of the biggest things' he did for Kirsty during their journey.

Having an objective coach helps women reframe negative cycles and find positives, which men can't provide because their perspective gets dismissed as biased

Jon explains that when he tried to be positive, Kirsty would dismiss it as something 'you have to say because you have to keep me happy,' but Rosanne's objective perspective was valued and effective.

Men need to do whatever is in their power to support the fertility journey, no matter how small, because what's asked of them is much less than what's asked of their partners

Jon stopped drinking, changed diet, lost weight, and did sperm testing, emphasizing that men should 'man up' and do these relatively easy things compared to what women endure.

Strong women on fertility journeys struggle to ask for help because they see procreation as 'fundamentally a woman's job' and asking for help feels like admitting failure

Jon observed that successful women like Kirsty find it especially hard to ask for help with fertility because 'women are on this earth to procreate' and when they can't do it naturally, asking for help feels like admitting they're failing at their biological purpose.

A baby becomes the connecting force that brings blended families together and creates lasting bonds between all the children

Jon describes how their son Wilfred became 'the glue' connecting all their children from previous relationships, noting that 'when they see Wolfie, their faces light up' and he will be what connects all the kids when the parents are gone.

Male fertility diagnoses require processing time and emotional support, not just medical intervention

Matt needed a full day to process his male factor diagnosis and found talking to coworkers provided no support since 'everybody I know went out, slept together one time, had a baby' - he had to find a different way to cope.

Accepting responsibility for fertility challenges, rather than dwelling on blame, opens up solutions

Matt went through memories trying to find what caused his diagnosis, but realized 'there's nothing I could do about the past. It's what do we do moving forward? That's what changed my mentality about it.'